Hey Kate. I was going to try not to write you till you got back, but here I am. I have Linda the thing I typed out that I ran past you last week, and also I wrote at the bottom I had something else to tell her, so I couldn't chicken out. I told her what I told you this weekend. She had made some comments through the letter, and I hate when she does that, because I have no idea what part she's reading. Then after I told her the other thing, she was just talking. I wish she hadn't. Then she was asking all sorts of questions about how it felt when it happened, whether it was I side or out, how I treated it, whether I could feel the scars now, etc. she said that she tore when she had one of her kids and she instantly went into shock, but she knew what it was and she had an epidural or whatever, so she couldn't feel the pain and they stitched it up. Obviously she tore the other way, but I imagine it's
similar. I told her I Was pretty sure I had a fever for a few days after, and wondered of that may be part of shock. She asked which hurt worse - that or the other. I told her when it happened I was kind of numb but it instantly made me nauseous. But healing-wise, that was worse, because at least the other cuts didn't touch anything. I told he taking a bath that night was a huge mistake, both because the pain and because the water was so bloody it was freaky. She was asking me what I did
with all the bloody towels and stuff. all in all, with the questions she asked, she just got me worked up more, and then I left. She told me that there was nothing wrong with me and that this is the kind of thing that happens when something like that is done so roughly. She thought it probably happens a lot. That didn't make me feel any better. She just kept saying that she is looking forwar to when I can look at this stuff and talk about it and see it for what it is I feel so much more high strung now. And I was already feeling on edge
because of the other thing I told you. I feel pretty bad.
She said she really wants to talk about what I wrote, but we didn't have a chance, so we will talk about it when she gets back. I don't feel. Like talking about it anymore. I feel like we spent the whole session getting me worked up and now I'm just hanging. Oh well. I'm sure I can get it to go away.
I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry about everything. I've made a big mess.