Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

I am sorry to hear of this pain you have been in.

we have a few ways to look at things...

sure you can go to counseling on your own and hope that she will see that and want to join you or let her know that in order for the marriage to work and reconnect that couples therpay is the only way to go.

I believe couples therapy is what is needed.

you have felt alone and second fiddle for a long time causing you to reach out elsewhere.

she has not paid attention to you and that needs to be explored

no relationship is one sided

you didtn end up there on your won with no reason...you have both played a part

yes that is the surface stuff that is easier to fight about

but it seems that you are the only one willing to look at things

does she want the marriage?

and that love is wonderful but both could have existed loving and caring for him while loving and caring for you too.

that is pretty over the top and she sounds quite angry at the world.

it becomes about your boundaries....and what you will tolerate for yourself and your kids...

your feelings are valid.

and i know you feel bad about it and want to make changes around that and want to have that connection with your wife.

I hear your willingness and your remorse for what went on and I understand it too.

if you want the marriage and she does then couples therapy is a must

Your wife is abusive with her language toward you and the kids and what if you set the boundary of therapy together if you want this marriage to work.

ok well at least I am in in good company. :-)

do you need help with that?

ay! how old are the kids?

I am sorry you have that view of what is out there.

what is your zip code?

It puts a strain on things for sure.

Here is one. http://www.center4relationshiphealing.com/

are you close to wilton?

ok. I know of a wonderful guy there. check out the link I gave above

and if she wont go then go yourself so you can figur out what you need, want and desire for yourself

I just wanted to offer it all to you. you didnt feel like I was helpful and supportive?

no and neither of us can change her, all we can do is focus on you and what wil work for you moving forward.

I am glad though that you are feeling better about yourself.

I wonder if you want her to catch you again so you can shake things up a bit which may make her stand up and take notice of you and that you are attractive to others.

ok so why do you think you have done this? for the thrill? to shake up your wife, to get back at her?

yes and I think you are craving it and even if your wife gives you some through this intimacy the void has been for so long that you want more and more of it and it can fill that void, but in the end it is empty because it is not the true connection you desire.

intimacy is a good thing and it exists in a healthy relationship and that is what you seek not this unhealthy type of connection with someone whom you dont know. It is true intimacy you desire.

do you feel addicted to it? can you stop? will you stop? do you want to stop?

ok then there we have it...you must get into some counseling sooner rather than later because if this pattern continues the outcome you are not wanting could be right around the corner.

I am not saying it is any one persons fault....in a relationship both people play a role when their is a disconnect. you have felt uncared for and unattended to, causing you to reach out to another. you want to reconnect to your wife but continue this behavior so the cycle continues...she will be distant and you will seek out comfort.

does that make sense?

then why not start with you and then ask her if you begin to go will she joiin you at some point to talk about the feelings in the marriage

give her some space and time and let her see you are working on things...that could help.

yes you both are and both deserve to be but if neither one of you move off your mark then this cycle continues

I commend you for that.

I am glad, I do hope I have been helpful and supportive.

I wish you the best with all of it. Be strong.

my pleasure.

if you are satisfied you click accept and then I get credited for my work with you

if not your deposit remains in your account.

you are not obligated to. :-)

good luck. I guess you dint think i was helpful...no accept. :-) either way I wish you the best.