is there some sort of mental disorder that makes you feel so different than everyone else? I find that i am more comfortable giving and uncomfortable receiving. I feel an overwhelming need to care for others and guilty if i do something for myself, almost feel selfish. This makes me feel out of place everywhere and so unable to connect with others. I fell like the last piece of a puzzle but am cut wrong as i am so different.
Person's Gender: Female
Person's Age: 45
i am not even sure what to try. i just don't fit
Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.
Giving and receiving are two sides of a coin: both are necessary for the coin to be fully functional. If a person only can receive, then they are a taker. We call that narcissism. If a person can only give, we call that low-self worth or even a self-loathing disorder. There can be many disorders that include self loathing or low self worth. Let's find out a little about what went on in your life that might account for this situation.
Was there trauma or abuse in your childhood? What about alcohol or dysfunction in your family when you were growing up?
Have you been diagnosed with any mental health issues?
Are you getting any treatment right now? If so, what type? How is it going?
If not, when was the last treatment? What type of treatment was it? Was it helpful?
Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.
i have always been this was for as long as i can remember. I never really played with my siblings, i jsut spent time alone. i still do. neither of my parents drank much. normally only socially. i was very close to my dad and still am. not much with my mother. she was always jealous of my closeness with my dad so i tried to keep my distance as much as possible so he didn;t ahve to listen to her complain about it. i have been married once. my husband didn't spend much time at home as he was always busy working or racing. we were married for 3 years. i haven't been in many relationships. one lasted 8 months and he wanted to get married but he and his family drank a lot and they were always attacking me for not being liek them. i was in a 6 year relationship that became verbally and physically abusive as i would not conform to what ti was thought i was supposed to be. i ended it. i ahve been alone sine and any mention of a relationship makes me nervous so i avoid it.i was diagnosed with depression after the break up of my marriage and was prescribed paxil and went to counseling for about six months but neither seemed to help as the therapist was trying to "retrain" me to be more selfish and i am not and never have been selfish.i guess that is it.
I know you want an answer as quickly as possible. But this is your life and I want to make sure that the answer I give you is the most fitting to your specific situation and who you are. So I need to ask just a little more:
I am not sure where the lack of being able to receive is. You had a close relationship with your dad. Your marriage and other relationship sound like they were with men who aren't very giving in the first place. So I'm not sure: where was the problem of you not being able to receive manifesting itself? Do you feel that if you meet a man who's kind and wants to receive love from you and to give love to you, that you won't want to receive his love?
I'm also not clear: you are not very social. So you don't have a compulsive need to give to others. Is the problem perhaps that you are self contained and don't feel a need to be with others, either to give or to receive?
I'll await your answers, Dr. Mark
i am just uncomfortable receiving. i don't like situations where i may be the center of attention. i am social somewhat. for instance where i work we have company get togethers. i plan them and everyone attends. i attend to the extent that i make sure everyone else is having a good time but avoid the interaction with everyone. i want everyone else to be happy and have what they want or need but am unable to do that for myself as i feel selfish or guilty for trying so i don't.as far as meeting someone who may want to give me love, no i woud find myself more concentrated on his happiness and taking care of him and afraid to receive it in return. some have said i am unique in the fact that i give without expectation and motive. i think that is the only selfish thing i do. i do have motive as the only joy i feel is when i have made others happy.even writing this now i feel sad as i am pretty sure there is no answer and i just want to feel different
Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.
If you don't have a good referral source, here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (they show you a photo of the therapist!) look at the listing and see if they list CBT therapy in their profile. Interview the therapist and make sure he/she shares your values and you each feel confident in him or her. http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice