Hey Kate. I hope your drive was safe!
I am feeling a lot better now, headache-wise. I woke up at 6 with a headache, took some pills, stayed up for only a half hour and went back to sleep until 11. Everyone here seems to suffer allergies really badly. Much more so than in Ohio. But I am fortunate not to have them.aybe a little sore throat here and there, but nothing more. These aren't those kinds of headaches. They are migraine types. I can tell by the vision issues. But I've been able to stop all of them before they get into the really bad can't-stand-it really sick stage. I take an anti-seizure (quite a large dose, actually) med to prevent them. I wonder ifs new meds are cutting down on its effectiveness. Barometric pressure changes and chocolate and perfume seem to be my big migraine triggers. I guess I should probably go see my neurologist, because my regular appointment isn't for another few months. I just don't like taking so much of this medication.
Thank you for not judging me and for being okay with what I told you, and for your compassion. It really makes me feel cared for.
I don't think P's brother is really racist. He loves his son-in-law to death, and he is half black/half Hispanic. But still, that kind of thing is not acceptable. But the fact that it bothers me makes him do it more. But I can't jut be silent when he says things. That's as bad as me saying them myself.
It's been nice to have some time alone this morning. I'm goin through the rest of my shoes, because the kid's mom texted me and she loves the tennis shoes I sent with p this morning. Said shed take any other ones. So I can get rid of a bunch of them. I have a bunh of basketball shoes I've hardly worn and hiking boots and stuff. So glad to clear all those out and that someone will use them. And actually kind o glad a 7th grader thinks my taste in shoes is cool :) not so cool that I wear the same size shoe as a 7th grader. My nieces and nephews all wore the same size shoe as me for a time. That was like 3-4 years ago. Yikes! Those kids are all taller than me now too.
It's my youngest nephew's 8th birthday today. He's so cute. On my bday, he left a VM singing happy birthday and telling me all about his new kitten and listing all the people in the family who love me. Very cute.
I know things will seem more clear to me about being with soneone once all these things are sorted out. I just have mixed feelings of curiosity and repulsion right now.
Also, I need to share something else with you. Not like what I told you the other day. I've told Linda, but feel its unfair to keep it from you. But I would
rather it not sit there until you see it and I would rather have a "chat" about it someone time if we could work it out.
I had a dream last night that he used the bottle in the other way. So it was a different dream. But it wasn't long. I kept waking up because of my headache.
Btw, Laura said she and lp's wife spent hours moving file cabinets around and stuff to make room for mine. LO's wife didn't say anything about me coming back, but didn't say anything negative or complain, which says something in itself. I feel good about that.
I keep yelling myself, as you told me to, that the whole incident was the
, not me. I try seeing it as someone running a red light. They are about to hit me, and I have to react. Of I swerve and hit a light post and they hit me anyway and I suffer further injury, woul I blame myself for the wreck? I had to react some way and maybe it turned out worse, maybe not. Maybe of I didn't hit the post I would be dead. It's hard to apply that when we're talking about sex and the intimate humiliating things which were part of my "reaction," but I'm trying. If I add
on that they purposely ran the light and were trying to run me down, it helps a little. At Least I didn't kill anyone else. But wht of I indirectly did
? What if they killed someone or did this to someone who killed herself????
And as far as reaching out for help. I do. I am. With you and with Linda. And I have with p and, to an extent, with Debra and c. Right?
Hope you are having a fabulous time!!