How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Anna Your Own Question

Anna
Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
20023641
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Anna is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

FOR ANNA ONLY-same old issue, new situation. My stepdaughter

Resolved Question:

FOR ANNA ONLY-same old issue, new situation. My stepdaughter is having a baby.I was very excited at first.Now there is overwhelming evidence of our exclusion from this event. My stepdaughter asked her dad what grandparent name I preferred. We are jewish and there is only one name, 'bubbie'. Daughter was quick to add 'my mother wants to be called 'bubbie'as if she has a copyright on it. Then her baby shower-I get an invite sent by their mother. I found this in poor taste.It was my stepson actually hosting the shower. He could have called or emailed me.Also treating me like just a 'guest'instead of their father's wife. I did not go because I didn't know a lot of the people and walking in by myself with NPD'er there was more than I could handle.I have made the decision to step away-not from a place of anger but I can't fight it anymore.I am almost certain my stepkids suffer at the hands of their mother but I have no control over that because we aren't allowed into their daily lives. Visits are all party manners. And the references to their mother (and her boyfriend,& her cats,dog,etc)are more than I can handle. Stepdaughter has revealed a few things to their Dad,so I know what they must go through.Please help me to feel better about this.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you. I apologize for the misunderstanding. My inquiry to customer support had nothing to do with Anna not responding right away. When I clicked on Anna's link, it said she was 'online and ready to answer your question'. After posting my question I waited awhile and checked her bio and her status was 'offline'. I sent an email to customer support asking why I was given the impression she was online when in fact she was not. I was not expecting an immediate response but was given the impression it was forthcoming. Customer support failed to respond to my inquiry, instead giving the impression that I was somehow upset over the delay, bringing you into the situation. That was not the case at all. I am happy to wait for Anna to review my question. After all, it is Sunday, and Mother's Day to boot!
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I am sorry for any confusion and I thank you greatly for your continued patience ;-)
Expert:  Anna replied 2 years ago.
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

I'm so sorry you're still going through this mess. What a painful situation, and it keeps getting thrown into your face. Sometimes these people are like a vapor that you just can't get away from - no matter what.

I like what you said about "party manners" - it's a perfect stance to take in this. Remember that no matter what you do or how you do it, in this case there isn't a right enough way to change her pathology. It's not a normal relationship where give & take is considered. It's a panicky desperation for attention and control.

I think you should just continue to live and act as you can be proud of without regard for how any of these people receive it. The normal laws of cause & effect just get jumbled. Hurting people hurt people. Throwing the energy of your pain into the mix won't help. Honoring your pain within yourself will help you heal from the continued hurtful situations.

Again, I'm sorry you're having to face this. So many people would love to have the compassion and help that you offer.

Anna
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

As always, I love the depth of your understanding.

Could you explain more in about about living proud, honoring my pain, etc. so I have a grasp on it. And you refer to it not being a normal relationship. Do you mean the relationship between my stepkids and their mother? Thank you so much. I will be sure to 'accept' when I get your reply.

Expert:  Anna replied 2 years ago.
Thanks!

You have continued to make very generous attempts at relationships with the step kids, and have been rebuffed in painful ways. Honoring your pain means to remember that and to give yourself credit for both the offers you've made and the hurt of the continued rejection.

You should be proud of how you've handled this. You've come back again and again with grace and wisdom. It really is something to be proud of in this world of throw-away relationships.

Not normal is the relationship between the step kids and their mom. That woman is just beastly self centered and the kids don't really have a defense against her.

When I wrote:
Remember that no matter what you do or how you do it, in this case there isn't a right enough way to change her pathology. It's not a normal relationship where give & take is considered. It's a panicky desperation for attention and control.
I was speaking of their mother's pathology. It twists everything.

Please do the world a favor and keep giving your love & compassion to people out there who are grateful to accept it - you clearly have a good head on your shoulders and something worth giving.

Take care!
Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
Anna and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Anna, you speak to the heart and soul of this sad situation and you have made me feel so much better.

Is stepping back the best or maintaining the 'party manners' which to me means a superficial relationship. It is like unrequited love. If there is nothing reciprocated, is it not best to move on? I hate the brick wall and it doesn't appear that it is coming down any time soon.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Anna, you speak to the heart and soul of this sad situation and you have made me feel so much better.

Is stepping back the best or maintaining the 'party manners' which to me means a superficial relationship. It is like unrequited love. If there is nothing reciprocated, is it not best to move on? I hate the brick wall and it doesn't appear that it is coming down any time soon.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I sent you a reply several days ago. Would you be so kind as to respond. I would very much like to put this to rest:

 

Anna, you speak to the heart and soul of this sad situation and you have made me feel so much better.

Is stepping back the best or maintaining the 'party manners' which to me means a superficial relationship. It is like unrequited love. If there is nothing reciprocated, is it not best to move on? I hate the brick wall and it doesn't appear that it is coming down any time soon.

Expert:  Anna replied 2 years ago.

Hey, I'm sorry I didn't see this when I checked back.

I think that you need to do whatever fits for you in the period of time that you're facing. When you're feeling strong and invulnerable and want to move closer, do so. But during the seasons that you've just had enough of all the pain, move back and stay there. With a new baby on the way, I think the brick wall will be there more often than not, so right now is probably a better time to step away and heal your wounds. You know that you've done more than your share of compromising and "understanding" their circumstances. I think moving on for right now will serve you better.

 

Take good care of yourself, and again, I'm sorry for leaving you hanging with your question.

Anna

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you so much Anna. I know you have a life outside of 'Just Answer' but when you have only the internet is communication you can never be sure it's received at the other end.

As always, your responses are insightful and empathetic. You never disappoint!

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education