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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5247
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hey Kate. Dinner and stuff was okay tonight except I had a

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Hey Kate. Dinner and stuff was okay tonight except I had a headache and took some meds and fell asleep before dinner. Then after dinner we played scattergories and P's brother kept using racial slurs and I was infuriated. He thought it was funny how mad I got. I did not. There's no call for that. I'm still mad. I mean, really?

I still kind I have a headache, but it's not too bad. I don't know if I'm getting so many headaches from the barometric changes or because of this emotional stuff. But I'm taking way too many migraine meds. I'm going to run out of my prescription before the time to refill it. Oh well.

When I fell asleep at Laura's, it was just a few minutes, but I woke up thinking about the thing I told you. I'm upset about it. DO you really still feel okay with me after what I told you? I've not told a single sole about that.

I think P's a little irritated I'm not going to church again. But I don't want to go, and it's my choice.

This is so hard, Kate. I nothing is how I thought it was or would be. Nothing is fair and I didn't know feelings could hurt this bad. I know life isn't fair. That was a mantra of my parents'. I heard it a hundred times. But i can accept that without liking it and still wondering why, can't I?

I'm glad I didn't watch any of those videos. You are right.

In the incident you heard abou recently, is the woman okay? What happened? Obviously she reported it. Did they catch the guy(s)? Does it scre you for your daughters knowing what goes on in the world?

Uggg. I just feel so bad and sad and wronged. I know it's a little late to be mad, but I am mad too. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I event think I hate the other one. I hope the mean one is dead. That's not very Christian especially since the chances he was saved are minimal. but I feel that way. Maybe if he were dead them he wouldn't be part of me anymore. I wish they were both castrated. It would be like taking away their weapons, right? How many women have there been? I've searched and searched the net for any reports in ohio and Indiana that might be them. I've found nothing. I wish I knew, but kind of don't want to know.

When I think of what happened, I partially think that I couldn't stand to ever have sex with a guy again. Ever. But part of me is sad for what I've missed and hopeful that I can sometime know what it is lik without pain and with soneone I love. But I don't know. I'm so confused. I wish I could keep one issue and one feeling in my mind at a time. It's overwhelming how much there is there.

I'm sorry I'm babbling. I'm not feeling great and I'm sure the headache med aren't helping.

Good night and, again, have a great mother's day. Have a relaxing and fun trip! If you're going to the mountains, it's always nice to play some John Denver on the way :)

S
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Shay,

I hope your headaches get better. I know allergies is bad this time of year. Everyone I know is having problems, lots of headaches and sneezing. But I am on the East Coast so it may be different than where you are. Maybe your doctor has some ideas on how to handle it.

It's never funny to insult someone else. I can understand why you were angry at P's brother. And I agree that you should not have to go to church until you feel ready. This is your time to take care of yourself and God understands that.

I feel just fine about you after what you told me. The only thing I do feel is sad. I could not imagine the pain and suffering you went through. My heart breaks just thinking about it. But judge you for it? That is not something I could even fathom doing.

Life isn't fair, I agree. But that does not mean when something horrible happens to you that you should not be upset about it. Saying life is unfair as an excuse to ignore your feelings is not a healthy way to look at it. It's just using a bunch of words to say "I don't have to cope with this because I already know life is unfair, so why be upset?" That is dysfunctional thinking. Saying yes, life is unfair and this really was unfair and hurt me badly is a better way to see it. It allows you to acknowledge that while life is unfair, things do hurt and some things are more painful that others. Try to look at what your parents say as wrong and what you feel as natural and normal. Because it is.

The woman I told you about who was attacked was in a domestic abuse situation in the UK. It wasn't a sexual assault as far as I can tell. But he did attack her so badly he gouged her eyes out. So she is blind trying to raise her small children. He is in a mental health facility. With that kind of attack, he needs to be. But I brought it up to help you know that how you feel about what happened to you is very normal.

It is very good that you are getting in touch with your anger at those guys. When we started talking, you struggled with even feeling any anger at all towards them, blaming yourself instead. Being angry at them is natural. And God understands your anger. You are his child and you were terribly hurt by these men. Any feelings you have are acceptable. God was the one who created feelings.

It will take time to sort all your feelings out. But one day, you will and this will be clearer to you. Then you will know how you feel about being with someone. But the feelings you have are a good sign. You are mourning the lost parts of your life and when you do that, it is a sign that you are starting to let go and move on from what happened to you.

Thank you! I will be spending most of the day traveling so it won't be a typical Mother's Day but I'm more than ok with that. Just getting away for a few days will be wonderful. And John Denver is perfect for the drive. I love his music.

I hope you are feeling better soon. Get some rest today. I'll check back in tonight once I get the internet up and running.

Take care Shay. You are in my thoughts.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5247
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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