Anne,

I am faced with a difficult decision right now in my life.

I was 19 when I met my husband 7 years ago. He always made me feel a little nervous and uneasy. Initially, I never felt comfortable around him. I have no idea why I kept seeing him. We got married 1 year and 10 months after we met. Over the years, I have become accustomed to things being a certain way. My husband is antisocial, and doesn't really like my family. He would never openly admit to this, but he says it loud and clear by his behavior. I have never been able to get him to go to a family event without making him feel guilty, coaxing him, or fighting with him. It has always been a struggle. Whenever we are with my family, he always says he has a headache, and wants to leave an hour later. He doesn't really like to talk to anyone while we are there, or out in public at all. He never offers conversation, only one word answers for all questions sent his way. He has never been affectionate to me, and when I was to him initially, he would tell me it made him feel weird. Also, he never offers kind words, and again, when I would compliment him he always tells me it makes him feel uncomfortable. He doesn't like to feel pressured to return the favor. Our sex life was always strained. I always had the higher drive, and we always struggled with it. We have fought about sex for 7 years. Lately, I have had to fight him for 1 time a week, and now I just don't care so much. I guess you could say that I have gotten used to that being a way of life for me.

I got pregnant 2 years ago, and when my husband found out, he was horrified. He threatened to leave me. He begged me to get an abortion. As I got late into my pregnancy, he started to think that I was disgusting and wouldn't touch me for months. I begged him to have sex with me and he refused. He made me feel disgusting and unwanted. After I had our daughter, he hated her, and wanted nothing to do with her for months. Until she was around 5 months old, then he finally realized she wasn't so bad. Now she is 15 months old and he loves her. He is a very good father to her now.

I have told him over the years that I need more affection from him, more kind words, more sex, and he never improves any of those things. In fact, things have only gotten worse over time. We have sex less, we rarely talk or touch, his kisses have become pecks. Although, he has never actually given me passionate kisses.

He had a friend that has been coming over for a couple of years now. Recently, his friend started talking to me a lot. One day, we went out on a walk with my daughter, and it felt like a breath of fresh air to me. All of these years, I would beg my husband to go out on walks with me and he never wanted to! Now, here was a guy I wasn't even dating who would! We talked for 2 hours that day. I had more fun that I've had in a long time.

We started talking more and more, and a couple nights later he came over for dinner while my husband was at work. We talked for another couple of hours before he left. We started talking every day, and eventually I started having an affair with him.

I must say, as well, that he is WAY better in bed than my husband is.

Anyways, we have been seeing each other about once per week for 6 weeks now. He tells me I'm beautiful all of the time. He's told me he loves me (which I'm wary of because its so quick) and he always says how nice I look whenever we go out. He also comments on how good I smell every time I see him. These are all things I never get at home. They are all things that I am likely to never get at home.

The man that I've been having an affair with talks to me like an adult, which I also don't get at home. I get demeaned, and treated like a child by my husband whenever I do something that he doesn't like. He likes my family, and seems to fit right in with them. He is social and has lots of friends, and isn't afraid to go out or kiss me in public.

Everything about him feels like the thing I have been missing in my life. I have so many feelings and emotions wrapped up around him, it is hard for me... logic is telling me it's all so quick, and that I couldn't possibly be feeling this way. My heart is seeing picket fences, children, marriage with this guy.

My husband told me that he would try to fix things. So far, he hasn't done too much differently from normal. I tried to break it off with the other guy. I went 4 days without talking to him, and on the 4th day, I told him I was going to break it off. We ended up talking about it, and I ended up seeing him the next day. It is so hard for me to think about letting him go because of how kind he has been to me and how much I feel that I love him. Parts of me want to be with only him. Leave the life I have now and be with him.

Another part of me keeps saying that I am just chasing the greener grass on the other side, and that I will soon realize that I should have stayed where I was, with my husband who loves me in his own "special" way. To just accept that life isn't about hugs and affection, and that I don't need to hear him tell me I'm pretty to know that's how he feels (that's what he tells me).

I am having such a hard time. I just don't know what to do. How I muster up the courage to make the tough decision??