The last time we saw each other was March 26th. We talked about the fact that she was concerned about my hearing (I have an ear problem). She was concerned that I was not socializing (I was in the midst of a lot of work). She complained that my apartment was filled with boxes (I just moved). She had said that she had problems of her own and did not want to have to be worried about me. This was a complete change from the way things were for the past 5 months. She was very caring and supportive until the end of March. She initiated the relationship with me last October, and then asked me to move to Seattle. We knew each other in high school, and we have been in communication for the past 3 years, but on and off. Her approaching me and getting into a serious relationship was rather sudden, but it was exactly what I wanted, which makes me susceptible. We saw each other 3 and a half years ago, and after 3 great days, the 4th day she cut me to ribbons with words. Afterwards she threated to call the police if I stayed in contact with her. Months later she asked me to call her because she was on the verge of suicide. I helped her throught this and she was grateful. This time, our good times lasted 5 months, but the change was sudden and extreme. She cut off communication. I was concerned for her safety (she also lost a lucrative job at the same time - deliberately) so I called a friend of hers to see if he could see that she was OK. Her response was to threaten me with a restraining order, police action and legal action if I tried to contact her again. Her boss said she has acted this way before and he thinks she is bi-polar. This time he had to fire her for the last time.

I would like to reconnect with her, but I have no means to do so. I am in pain because she was a person that I deeply cared about - since we dated 36 years ago.
I am looking for advice as to how to deal with this. I have tried online dating, but it is probably too soon for me. I am also concerned that I might be obsessed with her. I am trying to think about her less every day.

For 3 years, I managed to remain independent of her. I was unprepared for her to start the relationship up again... and then reject me in such a painful way.

So my questions are - what is the likely reason for her behavior? My second question is - am I obsessed with her, and how can I release that obsession? I am looking for what is best for both of us at this point. (At one point it seemed she really needed my love and support). I am completely alone here in Seatle. My mother and my kids and sister all live in the bay area. However, I am not prepared to move.

Thank you for your response. You have given me some things to think about and to work on, such as the book. I also will look up BPD to see if there are similarities there. I am concerned about the fact that her psychiatrist (she is seeing one, and she is on medications - and there is a family history of mental problems with her mother)... her psychiatrist said that I was "obsessed". He did not know much about me, did not meet me. The circumstances were that she came to see me in Oakland (our high school reunion) and wanted to initiate intimacy with me, and I accepted this. Everything seemed very loving and mutual for the first few months. I am still wondering if I was obsessed if, prior to this, I stayed away from her for 3 years, and only communicated with her when she contacted me. I respected her independence and did not believe a relationship was possible, because of her previous outburst. There was a lot of affectionate communication between us since we started having intimacy again. Once she started to pull away, she saw how I was emotionally affected by her indifference (I think it is normal to be hurt when someone you love stops communicating with you).... correct? This really made her angry and she accused me of being "needy". These words I very much dislike because I feel that I am unusually capable of being devoted to one woman. If the way I love is "needy" then everything I understand about love is wrong.
So, I guess my question is, who is correct here? I don't believe you can have a close and intimate relationship without being affectionate and emotionally attached to that person. Yet, it seems the message is "disconnect, be distant, pretend to be disinterested". These seem to me like games. We both told each other we would be straight with each other and not play the games.
I subscribe to M. Scott Peck's definition of love as the willingness to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. I want what is best for her, because I love her. I am not communicating with her and I am trying to move on because perhaps that is the best I can do for her.
It is a complex question. How can I show love to a woman and not appear to be needy or obsessed? Am I? Thank your for your thoughtful response.

Relist: Incomplete answer.
I asked a follow up question, but the time had expired, I guess.