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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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how to cure my infatuation habit that I have since I was small.

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how to cure my infatuation habit that I have since I was small. I am married man for 2 years but still this habit come to my mind sometime.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


When someone is addicted to falling in love, it usually signifies that the person has an unmet need from childhood. It could be that they did not feel significant in their family or that they were deprived of the love and care they needed.


The "thrill" of falling in love is like an addiction. It provides a rush of feel good hormones that make you feel alive and excited. During the beginning stages of a relationship, this rush helps keep the couple interested in each other. They find all good things about each other and ignore the bad. It is a time of non commitment, when everything feels new and fun. This part of the relationship is meant to develop into a deeper more meaningful connection with one another.


It could be that you long for that feeling again. In order to deal with how you feel, it would help to talk to a therapist about why you have this desire. By finding the root of the problem, you can resolve it.


Also, focus more on your wife. Try having romantic dates with her, surprise her with gifts, and work on keeping your relationship fun. If you can, take short trips to new places and pretend you don't know each other. Or ask her what she might enjoy. By trying different things, you can get back some of the thrill you had when you fell in love.


You can also help yourself with this. By understanding more about infatuation, you can see why you want to feel this way and work on getting rid of it by finding another way to fulfill your needs. Here are some resources to help you:


Sex, Love, or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know? by Ray E. Short


The Heart of Love: How to Go Beyond Fantasy to Find True Relationship Fulfillment by John F. Demartini


Heavenly Ever After: The Ultimate Relationship Guide for Men Workbook by Jim Ennis Ed.D. and Michael Heydari Ph.D.


You can find these books on or your local library may have them for you.


I hope this has helped you,


I hope you got all the information you needed today. Please let me know if you have any other questions.


Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dear Kate,

I really love your answer. But I just need to ask a little bit more by exposing something about me.

The very first crush that I had was in my 4th grade, I was 10 Years old then. She was my class mate and the best student in my class. I used to think of her with one of my favorite song. We had never been talked to each other. Then I moved to other place and we were apart.

Since then, whenever I had a crush with someone, there will be one individual song for each girl. When I felt for someone, I felt very deep and as you said a "thrill" became my addiction.

I kept it as a secret for most of the time for not having a chance or courage to talk (propose). When I got a chance and became a couple with someone, I did plan to go for life time in the first place. But end up losing my interest for some small reason and I left her and felt for the new one. Totally I did that three times. One of the three persons hurts a lot and I felt guilty and regret. Gradually I felt for her again and went back to her deciding to get her back. I came to find out she had already got her boyfriend that time. I felt very sad and even cried to beg her for coming back to me. She said she will not believe me anymore although she loves me so much. I think my heart was broken that time.(By the way, we were just talking and holding hand together. No kissing and no sexual involved with all of my ex)

Since the last time I hurt, I did not try to be a lover with anyone again until I met my wife.

I left my family and my wife then girlfriend for oversea further study for few years. I think I had a crush for at least three girls during those fewyears.

I married my wife and I thought my crazy life of infatuation was ended.

Recently I saw someone.The more I see her, the more I fall for her. There is one dedicated song for her as well. I feel ashamed and guilty but on the other hand I feel so delightful when I am thinking of her and singing the song. Now I do not have a chance to see her again because she left oversea for good.

I think I have totally 20 secret crushes since my 4th grade untill now.

I was coincidently reading about Pablo Pegasus at wiki two weeks ago and remind me how dangerous my life would be if my secret sin comes true. I have a covenant with God to love and care to my wife till deaths do us apart. I swear that at the church. I really want to be faithful to my wife. So I have been searching for guide and at last I have found you.

I love your answer to focus more on my wife.

I will definitely buy the book that you suggested but I would like to ask you for very last time as follow,

Is there anyone out there like me?

Does something wrong with my mental? Mentally disorder or something?

I am glad the answer helped you! Thank you for letting me know.

You do not have a mental disorder like you are thinking.This is probably more about your childhood and needs you did not get met. When someone seeks love like you do, it has a lot to do with how they were raised.Getting deeper into your childhood and talking about how you were raised would help to find out where this feeling might have come from.


Also,you may have something called Obsessive Compulsion Disorder or OCD. That is a disorder that can be due to low serotonin in your brain. It creates a compulsion to do the same behavior over and over, even if it is harmful to you. Here is a link to help you understand it better:


Medication can help you increase the serotonin in your brain
and therefore affect how you feel. Your doctor can do this for you, but it
would help you to get an evaluation by a therapist or psychiatrist to see if
you do have OCD.


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