How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

how to cure my infatuation habit that I have since I was small.

Resolved Question:

how to cure my infatuation habit that I have since I was small. I am married man for 2 years but still this habit come to my mind sometime.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

When someone is addicted to falling in love, it usually signifies that the person has an unmet need from childhood. It could be that they did not feel significant in their family or that they were deprived of the love and care they needed.

 

The "thrill" of falling in love is like an addiction. It provides a rush of feel good hormones that make you feel alive and excited. During the beginning stages of a relationship, this rush helps keep the couple interested in each other. They find all good things about each other and ignore the bad. It is a time of non commitment, when everything feels new and fun. This part of the relationship is meant to develop into a deeper more meaningful connection with one another.

 

It could be that you long for that feeling again. In order to deal with how you feel, it would help to talk to a therapist about why you have this desire. By finding the root of the problem, you can resolve it.

 

Also, focus more on your wife. Try having romantic dates with her, surprise her with gifts, and work on keeping your relationship fun. If you can, take short trips to new places and pretend you don't know each other. Or ask her what she might enjoy. By trying different things, you can get back some of the thrill you had when you fell in love.

 

You can also help yourself with this. By understanding more about infatuation, you can see why you want to feel this way and work on getting rid of it by finding another way to fulfill your needs. Here are some resources to help you:

 

Sex, Love, or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know? by Ray E. Short

 

The Heart of Love: How to Go Beyond Fantasy to Find True Relationship Fulfillment by John F. Demartini

 

Heavenly Ever After: The Ultimate Relationship Guide for Men Workbook by Jim Ennis Ed.D. and Michael Heydari Ph.D.

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

I hope this has helped you,


Kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I hope you got all the information you needed today. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear Kate,

I really love your answer. But I just need to ask a little bit more by exposing something about me.

The very first crush that I had was in my 4th grade, I was 10 Years old then. She was my class mate and the best student in my class. I used to think of her with one of my favorite song. We had never been talked to each other. Then I moved to other place and we were apart.

Since then, whenever I had a crush with someone, there will be one individual song for each girl. When I felt for someone, I felt very deep and as you said a "thrill" became my addiction.

I kept it as a secret for most of the time for not having a chance or courage to talk (propose). When I got a chance and became a couple with someone, I did plan to go for life time in the first place. But end up losing my interest for some small reason and I left her and felt for the new one. Totally I did that three times. One of the three persons hurts a lot and I felt guilty and regret. Gradually I felt for her again and went back to her deciding to get her back. I came to find out she had already got her boyfriend that time. I felt very sad and even cried to beg her for coming back to me. She said she will not believe me anymore although she loves me so much. I think my heart was broken that time.(By the way, we were just talking and holding hand together. No kissing and no sexual involved with all of my ex)

Since the last time I hurt, I did not try to be a lover with anyone again until I met my wife.

I left my family and my wife then girlfriend for oversea further study for few years. I think I had a crush for at least three girls during those fewyears.

I married my wife and I thought my crazy life of infatuation was ended.

Recently I saw someone.The more I see her, the more I fall for her. There is one dedicated song for her as well. I feel ashamed and guilty but on the other hand I feel so delightful when I am thinking of her and singing the song. Now I do not have a chance to see her again because she left oversea for good.

I think I have totally 20 secret crushes since my 4th grade untill now.

I was coincidently reading about Pablo Pegasus at wiki two weeks ago and remind me how dangerous my life would be if my secret sin comes true. I have a covenant with God to love and care to my wife till deaths do us apart. I swear that at the church. I really want to be faithful to my wife. So I have been searching for guide and at last I have found you.

I love your answer to focus more on my wife.

I will definitely buy the book that you suggested but I would like to ask you for very last time as follow,

Is there anyone out there like me?

Does something wrong with my mental? Mentally disorder or something?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I am glad the answer helped you! Thank you for letting me know.

You do not have a mental disorder like you are thinking.This is probably more about your childhood and needs you did not get met. When someone seeks love like you do, it has a lot to do with how they were raised.Getting deeper into your childhood and talking about how you were raised would help to find out where this feeling might have come from.

 

Also,you may have something called Obsessive Compulsion Disorder or OCD. That is a disorder that can be due to low serotonin in your brain. It creates a compulsion to do the same behavior over and over, even if it is harmful to you. Here is a link to help you understand it better:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/obsessive_compulsive_disorder_ocd.htm

 

Medication can help you increase the serotonin in your brain
and therefore affect how you feel. Your doctor can do this for you, but it
would help you to get an evaluation by a therapist or psychiatrist to see if
you do have OCD.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education