My partner and I got together 10 years ago. We both left our marriages and his children and lived happily for 10 years with my children. The last six months or so have been a complete nightmare in that my partner took on a building project at work (he is self employed) which brought him a lot of stress and worry. The job is still going on now. He has run up a lot of debt and owes the tax man and the VAT man a lot of money. He doesnt have hardly any money coming in at the moment but after a stupid row over a loaf of bread I called his bluff because once again he said he wasnt happy. I said if he wasnt happy then to leave. Thats what he did he packed everything up last saturday and left to stay at his mums. He said he needs time to sort out his business which is on the ground and is working all hours to keep it going. I am dying. I cant live here without him and its killing me. He does keep in contact and is not thinking along the lines of not coming back. What do you think?
Person's Gender: Female
Person's Age: 45
crying and talking and telling him how much I love him. He loves me more apparently and just needs time away to sort himself out. I said I cant live without him, Im upset, the kids are upset and the dog etc. Its horrible.
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming and shocking situation in your life.
It seems obvious this huge stress from work pushing you financially was too much for him to handle.
It is not uncommon for people to get angry and extra sensitive when feeling this way. It uses to lead to communication, marital and family problems, once the person does not know how to cope, how to get some relief and hope about improvements. Then they act out their frustration with those they trust the most, like spouse and family.
This happens and is not uncommon but it does not mean it is acceptable neither that is justifies leaving spouse and children the way he did. Abandoning you this way when facing this overwhelming period in your life affecting all of you does not show caring, empathy, responsibility and all those things that are supposed to set the ground of an adult and mature relationship.
You should not be blamed or punished through abandonment because of the overwhelming work-financial issues. It could be that it was not his intention to hurt you, but reality is that his very actions show neglect, a very traumatic reality for you and your children.
What can I do? I feel hopeless. He feels worthless and I do believe he wants to show me he can do well in business. But what if after waiting for him to have this "time out" he then says I'm not coming back. He has said he will come to Relate and he is coming on our holiday that we have planned in 4 weeks time. He said it would be something to aim towards.
He went back to his mom's home, but it happens that he is not a child or teenager, and he has responsibilities and a life with all of you. This overwhelming life challenge is pushing hm to the point of reassessing everything including your relationship and family, and that's tough for you to face in current situation, it would be for anybody in your shoes.
I totally support you, it does not seem fair at all. taking care of business should not be used as an excuse for leaving. If he truly happens to care about you, he should reassess his priorities and take responsibility.
Sadly you cannot do anything about it but to focus on taking good care of self and children,. He has made his choices and the consequences are obvious and painful. You cannot control him but only hope for the best while keeping a realistic approach, otherwise you could get even more hurt and your life impacted by it.
MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach