That makes sense about the chat thing. Plus, I like the fact that I can post and then check your answer when I am able. I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings that I talked to someone else. :). I just needed to connect with someone. P was gone all evening.
I am feeling better. I had a small nightmare
last night, but that's all. I know you're right about why I had the flashback, but it really upset me because I had been feeling better in the afternoon after being able to distract myself with clients, etc. is that just my mind's way of telling me "you can't ignore this, even for the afternoon?"
I have several meetings throughout the day. I will be very mindful to watch for any signs something like that is coming on. I am still wearing the rubber band you suggested.
This may be an odd question, but .... You know how on the movies, whenever someone is in therapy, thy lay on a couch or something and stare at the ceiling? I am assuming this isn't done any more. I've only sat on a chair or on a couch when I've been to Linda or dr M or the other counselors I went to once or twice. Why do tv shows show it that way? I can kind of see the point - easier to talk staring at the ceiling. But nowadays, would it be rude to lie down if they have a couch? I don't know why I was thinking about that. I think I saw it on a commercial the other day. I was just thinking that might be actually easier to relax and talk. But would that be rude to ask Linda if I could try it once? I was thinking it would also make things easier for me when I have physical sensations. It does seem like it may be weird, but I'm thinking Linda wouldn't care. I just wondered.
I also had another question - you can answer it or not. I don't mean to pry. But - was your husband your therapist? I don't know why that popped into my head.
I'm not as tired this morning, and as I said, I'm feeling better than yesterday. But I still don't feel great. Why is this taking so long? Because I fight it sometimes? It is getting old. I want some relief. Like total relief. It's probably a good idea I had no idea what I was getting into when I started therapy with Libda and when I decided I may actually stick with it. I really thought I would go for several sessions, and once I shared the actual story, the nightmares woul go away and everything would be normal. I had no clue. But that was probably good. Now I'm in it too far to stop. I can't go back to how it was before therapy (which turns out wasn't as good a I thought it was). Now these things want out, it feels like, and there is no stopping the process and even stopping therapy wouldn't stop it - it would just leave me without any guidance to figure it out, and would make it worse. Am I correct? Sometimes (not very often), I want to blame Linda for doing this to me and for not warning me. But I'm the one who sought her out. And if she had warned me, I would not have come back. And, really, considering that at first all she had to go on was what I told her, and considering what I honestly thought, she probably didn't realize at first that I had processed and dealt with practically none of it. Right?
Sorry. Just babbling. Just wanted to talk :)
I hope you are having a good day so far. Can't be too long until the kids are out of school for summer. I'm trying to arrange for my 2 nephews (11 and almost 8) to come out here to do some hiking. I figure the girls can come out later by themselves. the 8 yea old (he'll turn 8 on Sunday) is on a traveling soccer team. His cousin (the 11 year old) is a great baseball player and is on an older age group premier team that plays all over - Florida, puerto Rico, and all over the east and Midwest. The 8 year old's soccer team just travels to Ohio and wv. But apparently, he has been telling people that his team also plays in NM. He loves it here. Th fact that we have scorpions and rattle snakes is awesome, in his mind. It would really be fun if they could come out.
Okay. Talk to you later.