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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5507
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Resolved Question:

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Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hey,

 

I was going to answer you but I saw you erased your question. I hope all is well. Let me know if you need to talk. I'll be on here for a bit longer.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Sorry. It didn't apply anymore.

 

Things are just a mess.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I had a flashback at work and nic walked in. That was only about an hour after I wrote you a post saying how much better I was feeling in the afternoon. I had just wanted someone to talk to. I "chatted" with coachjenk on here this evening, and she was super nice, but there was too much to try to explain vis-a-vis where I was and where I am now. How come you don't do the "chat" thing?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Shay,

 

I'm sorry to hear about the flashback. I think it has a lot to do with what you have been working through lately.

 

I'm glad you found someone to talk with on JA. The chat thing is ok, but since I've worked here, there have been numerous problems with it (a lot of "are you still there?"). To me, it doesn't work well enough. Plus, you have to set a time limit if you are working with anyone else at the same time.

 

Hope you are feeling better today,

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate:

That makes sense about the chat thing. Plus, I like the fact that I can post and then check your answer when I am able. I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings that I talked to someone else. :). I just needed to connect with someone. P was gone all evening.

I am feeling better. I had a small nightmare last night, but that's all. I know you're right about why I had the flashback, but it really upset me because I had been feeling better in the afternoon after being able to distract myself with clients, etc. is that just my mind's way of telling me "you can't ignore this, even for the afternoon?"

I have several meetings throughout the day. I will be very mindful to watch for any signs something like that is coming on. I am still wearing the rubber band you suggested.

This may be an odd question, but .... You know how on the movies, whenever someone is in therapy, thy lay on a couch or something and stare at the ceiling? I am assuming this isn't done any more. I've only sat on a chair or on a couch when I've been to Linda or dr M or the other counselors I went to once or twice. Why do tv shows show it that way? I can kind of see the point - easier to talk staring at the ceiling. But nowadays, would it be rude to lie down if they have a couch? I don't know why I was thinking about that. I think I saw it on a commercial the other day. I was just thinking that might be actually easier to relax and talk. But would that be rude to ask Linda if I could try it once? I was thinking it would also make things easier for me when I have physical sensations. It does seem like it may be weird, but I'm thinking Linda wouldn't care. I just wondered.

I also had another question - you can answer it or not. I don't mean to pry. But - was your husband your therapist? I don't know why that popped into my head.

I'm not as tired this morning, and as I said, I'm feeling better than yesterday. But I still don't feel great. Why is this taking so long? Because I fight it sometimes? It is getting old. I want some relief. Like total relief. It's probably a good idea I had no idea what I was getting into when I started therapy with Libda and when I decided I may actually stick with it. I really thought I would go for several sessions, and once I shared the actual story, the nightmares woul go away and everything would be normal. I had no clue. But that was probably good. Now I'm in it too far to stop. I can't go back to how it was before therapy (which turns out wasn't as good a I thought it was). Now these things want out, it feels like, and there is no stopping the process and even stopping therapy wouldn't stop it - it would just leave me without any guidance to figure it out, and would make it worse. Am I correct? Sometimes (not very often), I want to blame Linda for doing this to me and for not warning me. But I'm the one who sought her out. And if she had warned me, I would not have come back. And, really, considering that at first all she had to go on was what I told her, and considering what I honestly thought, she probably didn't realize at first that I had processed and dealt with practically none of it. Right?

Sorry. Just babbling. Just wanted to talk :)

I hope you are having a good day so far. Can't be too long until the kids are out of school for summer. I'm trying to arrange for my 2 nephews (11 and almost 8) to come out here to do some hiking. I figure the girls can come out later by themselves. the 8 yea old (he'll turn 8 on Sunday) is on a traveling soccer team. His cousin (the 11 year old) is a great baseball player and is on an older age group premier team that plays all over - Florida, puerto Rico, and all over the east and Midwest. The 8 year old's soccer team just travels to Ohio and wv. But apparently, he has been telling people that his team also plays in NM. He loves it here. Th fact that we have scorpions and rattle snakes is awesome, in his mind. It would really be fun if they could come out.

Okay. Talk to you later.

S

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Shay,

 

Talking with someone else is fine when you need an answer immediately. And the chat thing is fine too. It works well with quick answers, but giving thoughtful and in depth responses is easier this way. But if you are ever need to touch base quickly, we can try the chat.

 

You are at a very critical point now in therapy. Your insight is good, you are discovering new things about how you feel and why and you are focused every day. It's bound to bring up a lot of strong feelings. But as you work this through, the nightmares will fade. This won't last forever, though I'm sure it feels like it might.

 

I'm always either laughing or cringing at Hollywood's version of therapy. I'm sure you do the same for your profession. Most of the stuff they do is so wrong, it's hard to watch.

 

Having someone lay on a couch is very Freudian (Sigmund) based on Analytical analysis, which is hardly practiced. Most therapists combine some of Freud's theory into their practices (defense mechanisms are one), but most don't use the couch. But that does not mean there is anything wrong with it. If you feel it would help, then it is definitely worth a try. Some people find it much easier to look at the ceiling when they talk than at the therapist, which was part of the reason Freud used it. Talk with Linda and see what she thinks. It may be a good replacement for her sitting further away from you during therapy.

 

Yes, my husband is a therapist too. And he teaches psychology. You can only imagine what my poor kids go through ;)

 

Therapy takes a while because there is so much to it. People are complex and there is a lot to work through. And the human mind can only accept so much at one time, especially when it comes to trauma. You have to work with childhood issues, personality, defenses and the effects of everyday life. And besides the person themselves, there is other relationships to consider. If Linda had just told you what you needed to do then let you go, it would not have worked. People are more complicated than that.

 

Blaming Linda is a natural response. It is a way to try to find reason when you are in pain and transferring those feelings to someone else. If you took the blame yourself, it may be too hard to see that you got yourself into this and you are the reason you are in so much pain. It may help to look at what it means to you to accept that this was a choice you made and it hasn't turned out like you thought it would. How does it make you feel to consider that?

 

The kids are out of school soon. I can't tell if their excitement is as intense as my fear :) They do not like finding their own things to do. But it is good they are older and less dependent on me. My oldest will be driving next year- that will be the scary part.

 

Your nieces and nephews sound like wonderful kids. I bet they would really enjoy spending time with Aunt Shay! It gives them a chance to do something fun and spend some time bonding with you. When do you think you will have them out?

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Kate:

I don't think the chatting thing is necessary. I just knew you probably wouldn't be online again last night.

I don't know if you understood my question - I knew your husband was a therapist - I just wondered if he had been YOUR therapist. That's cool he teaches psychology. I've considered teaching a class or two, but I don't think I have the patience. I was told by LP's old partner (she was his partner when I first started working there) that she thought I would end up being a professor - not practicing law. She thought I'd more enjoy the intellectual side rather than the practical. That is true - but since then I've come to appreciate both.

I understand what you mean about how your profession is portrayed - it's pretty bad sometimes. I mean, really, when you see it on tv or the movies, frequently the therapist is sleeping with all his clients, everyone is suicidal, there's no confidentiality. And yes - I do feel the same way about how my profession is portrayed - every case is done quickly and brilliantly, there appears to be actual "justice," innocent people get off death row, lawyers are rich and glamorous and seemingly don't have to prepare much for trial, and spend all their time in the courtroom. They don't show the mundane paperwork, consultations, returning calls, the hours spent before trial compiling and marking exhibits, legal research. Not really realistic. But then again, I don't really like trial work, so I don't see that as appealing at all.

I know I did this to myself (therapy) and didn't accurately assess what was going to happen and how long it would take. It doesn't bother me so much to consider that I made this choice and it hasn't turned out how I though it would. It's pretty typical, actually. But - there have been bad surprises and good. I don't think I understood how unhealthy my way of dealing (not dealing) with things was, and never would have imagined I had any childhood issues. So, now that I know these things, I think I can end up better/healthier than I was even before that happened. And I never would have found out about the sleep issues or ADD, the treatment of which will have long-lasting quality of life benefits, I think. I did misjudge the process hugely. But I just didn't know. I had read things, but honestly thought that these people had trouble because they were weak. (I know - that's terrible, but that's what I thought). So it was my own pompous attitude that made me not see it might be super difficult.

I know it will be worth it. I have confidence and hope in that, and I am resolving a lot of other problems along the way, that I didn't even realize I had - it just sucks for now. Not being able to feel anything seems so attractive right now!

I don't know when they might be able to come out. My sister's kids are so involved in sports. They are great athletes, but it gets ridiculous. Their whole lives revolve around tournaments, etc. But J (11 y o ) has several days off between baseball and football in late July, so we're thinking then. The younger (my brother's son) is a bit more flexible.

Well, need to go meet with a client ..... talk to you soon?

S

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

No, my husband was not my therapist, though he may sometimes feel he is now! If he had been my therapist, that would be a major breach of ethics in our field.

 

I don't think it would be possible to accurately assess therapy before you get into it, especially if you have never been in it or if you didn't know anything about it. That sounds like you felt responsible for not foreseeing how therapy would go, and that is asking the impossible of yourself.

 

I think you are right, when therapy is done, you will feel very different. You will have the coping mechanisms and insight to cope with life in a way that feels less stressful and much clearer.

 

I hope it goes well with your client!

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5507
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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