Hi,

He may be telling the truth when he says that he understands you. What may be happening as well is that he associates sexual intimacy with not being rejected as a man by the woman he loves/wants to be with.

Of course, love is not all expressed through sex. Yet, some men associate sex with love while women look for other things such as safety, trust and emotional closeness.

Your aversion to sex as you seem to attribute it to is your past abuse. You've mentioned having had counseling (not sure if you meant to address the abuse or your aversion to sex or both). What can be done would depend on whether or not you would want to try to work through this issue perhaps alone at first and then with your husband.

Some individuals take oxytocin (what is known as the bonding hormone) Working with a sexologist can be another option. Another option would be NLP (neurolinguistic programming) which targets the subconscious mind and allows you to make the desiresable changes.

If you believe that your husband is so preoccupied with the idea of sex and if he does not engage in it that he'd leave you, is something to talk to him about. This may be a valid concern or it may be a fear and anxiety reaction on your part. You're a family and can address this as a team. Different reasons may be causing you to feel this way besides the past trauma. Things such as vaginismus, inorgasmia, being asexual, not trusting him completely, self esteem issues, etc.

http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp

www.oxytocinfactor.com