My appt. went well. I told her that I always feel very anxious and nervous before I come to see her even though I want to come. She asked why and to be honest, I told her because I think I am scared of her. This is funny because she is so calm and is always telling me that she has no control over our sessions and that I do. She understands why I feel this way.
I skirted around the stealing subject. I wanted to tell her but it was too close to the end of our time. I think this is one thing that is stalling me. I feel ashamed and embarrased about it. Can you tell me more about this subject again please. Is it a personality disorder or more like a anxiety
disorder. I put it in the anxiety category but please correct me if I am wrong.
I told her to ask me on Friday what was bugging me so much right at the beginning of our session. I may not be dependable to bring it up. I don't know if I can tell her or not. I did
tell her today that I was afraid of two things happening if I told her. One is that she thinks badly of me (she responded to this by saying that she is not there to judge me) and secondly, I was afraid that she would abandon me if she knew what horrible thing I was doing. She said she highly doubted that would happen.
She also said my worsening depression is tough to diagnose because of my extremely low iron and all the meds I take. Once the Iron IV is completed and has either helped or not, we can delve further into why I feel so sad
She tells me all the time to just talk about what I want to talk about and she will listen and try to help. My problem is getting started. Is there an easy way to do this? I feel so pressured to come up with something to talk about. It is very difficult to just blurt out tough stuff.