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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5798
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate -- you didnt make me feel bad about having those feelings.

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Kate -- you didn't make me feel bad about having those feelings. I was just kind of thinking out loud. I got, from your earlier post, that it was okay. I just wanted t be clear that I didn't feel embarrassed because I thought you guys would get some kind of personal gratification from knowing the details of what happened. I wouldn't think that.

I agree about getting my feelings out – it will be better with Linda there. Sometimes it seems overwhelming when I am alone – or just makes me feel alone in all this. You’re right – I should tell her up front. Of course, I probably will get there and not be able to get any of this out. I won’t try to force it. I just feel like I’ve been holding things in and it would be a relief to let go and that’s a safe place to do it. I’m sure she will just stare at me, as usual, and tell me it’s okay to cry. That would be fine with me. I don’t really need anything from her except to just be there. And if I ask her not to stare at me, she won’t. She’s taken to sitting off to the side, anyway, since I started telling her my story. She thought it would be easier for me, and it has been.

But maybe I won’t be so upset by then.

I am feeling the reality that people were hurting me and inside of me in all sorts of ways. It is quite disturbing to realize that I can’t even stop somebody from putting things or urine or themselves in my own body. It is hard to accept. Crap.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 4 years ago.

It is hard to accept what happened to you. What those guys did was very violent and graphic. And it was very sadistic. Knowing that there is nothing that could be done to stop them makes it all the more frightening. Being assaulted brings with it the sense that you have no control over yourself or your surroundings. In a sense, none of us do. But being assaulted can bring those feelings very much to the forefront, making you confront them. That seems to make it more real to you. Other people are just as vulnerable, but they may not have had the same experience that you did, so they are not as aware of it.


It may help you to look at ways you are safe now. One of the biggest ways is your knowledge of how vulnerable you are. Since most people are not that aware of it, they are more vulnerable than you are. You now have the knowledge it takes to help prevent you from feeling sheltered again. It's not a knowledge most people wish to have, but it does make you much more in tune with your own strengths and abilities.



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