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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5457
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate - Oh - I didnt think that you or Linda or anyone

Resolved Question:

Kate -

Oh - I didn’t think that you or Linda or anyone would get some kind of “thrill” out of it. (Ick) And I know that you and Linda would keep things confidential (which is kind of a moot point, considering we are talking online now, except that nobody would have a clue who I was hopefully, and my story, when I told you, was “locked”). It’s just you guys knowing about it and also the process of telling Linda out loud. I really like you and I like Linda and I hate for you to know these things about me. And I know it makes no sense – but like when I’m telling Linda, or even saying nothing, but am deep in a memory in her office, it’s almost like to me she is there, too, seeing what I am doing, and it makes me ashamed.

I know you guys hear all sorts of stuff - I’m sure much worse than mine. But I don’t usually tell all sorts of personal stuff, especially related to sex (although I am actually getting better at it – I wasn’t that uncomfortable when Linda brought up masturbation, and I asked you about it before that, so - that’s something).
I know this is just a feeling for now. I’ll get over it. I just feel like I’m too embarrassed to face Linda, and glad I don’t have to actually face you. But there was really no way around telling you guys if I want your help.

I think I just feel particularly ... I don’t know what the word is...violated (???) Right now. Does that make sense? I feel raw and so I think maybe everything seems to feel more than what it usually would (embarrassment, shame, sadness, fear .... everything). I feel a little overwhelmed with a lot of feelings right now, but I can’t even determine what most of them are.

I have been trying hard not to cry yesterday, last night and today. Do you think it would be okay if I need to if just go to my session and cry? I think Linda would be okay with it, and I don’t think she would make me explain right away. ??

S
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Shay,

 

There is no way I wanted you to feel bad about feeling embarrassed or ashamed. I told you all those things about confidentiality, how a therapist sees a situation such as yours, etc in case it might help you to understand that we only feel for you and don't want you to feel bad, not that it is not natural and expected that you would feel embarrassed and upset by having to share your story. Of course it is. Embarrassment and shame is a natural reaction to what you have been through.

 

Violated is a good word to use, because that describes the nature of what we have been talking about the last few days. You are accepting what you went through and that can cause you to feel the emotions have "violated" you. Those feelings can also make what happened feel very present, attributing to how you feel.

 

I think it would be a great help to you to go to your session and let all your feelings out. Linda can be there to offer support, which can be very comforting when you express such deep emotions. And she can help you look at what you are feeling at a deeper level when you feel you are ready. By doing so, you can feel like you are carrying less of a burden. Just let her know up front that you need some time to express your feelings and you will let her know when you are ready to talk about it. Then tell her what you need from her, i.e. comfort, silence, etc.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5457
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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