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Heidi LPC
Heidi LPC , Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 278
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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My wife says after 2 months of meditation that she has had

Customer Question

My wife says after 2 months of meditation that she has had a "soulshift" and dosen't have feelings for me and will not work on saving the marriage. Yet day to day we get along great no one including our 3 children have an inkling there is anything wrong. I told a friend we just had just had over for dinner along with his wife about it and he was "shocked" and he's a therapist. We get along so well but don't have emotional intimacy because she said I'm judgemental. I heard her and have been in counseling for a month. I'm making progress. She's been coached through this non stop meditation diet by a woman who doesn't care for me and is her guru now on-line. Meanwhile none of her friends family have any clue she hasn't talked to any of them for months. Is this soul shift thing just an ewxcuse to get out that is irrefuteable? thanks
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Rao replied 4 years ago.

Doctor Rao : Hi,it must be upsetting for you.What medication she is on?

none she thinks she may be bi-polar 2 but she's never been tested

Doctor Rao : Have observed any other strange behaviour

a couple years ago her college friend died-shes 46 nad she went into a 2 year depression. She hadn't spoken to this guy in 15 years just xmas cards. When he died she wasn't ever informed of it she found it on-line. They never even dated in college

Doctor Rao : Ok. The reaction is bit excessive, if she hasn't been in touch with this person .She might be too sensitive

just seems strange. she then went away for a weeding out of town with her sister and met her old painter friend-she had been his model. He told her about working through big troubles in his marriage but they came out of it. She came back from that and became manic working out etc study etc. and I said what was going on and she said she might want to be alone. then she refused to go to marriage counseling or talking about the marriage for 2 years until when I asked her again why she was so manin diet ingf mediatating etc on the heels of another trip away with her sister


she is very sensetive she says she feels unsafe with me. I asked her why and she stated that once when we were talking about horses she said that a pony is a type of hirse I said it was a young horse. My Dad was sitting there and I asked him andf he said my wife was correct. She had been holding on to this "slight" for 13 years.

Doctor Rao : Ok. How does she at home.Does she interact well with children? You said she hasn't spoken to her famiy for months..Is this her normal self or some thing out of her charector

so it's these "slights" or me not listening and "getting her" but she never told me for all these years that makes her feel unsafe to share with me. Now I'm in therapy but she says it's too late. She claims there is no one else

Doctor Rao : Is she becoming more religious these mentioned about constant meditating.

we get along wonderfully at home all of us her and me and the children-it's crazy everyone thinks we have the perfect marraige. she is very insular and calls people very rarely

Doctor Rao : Ok.Does she have any mood swings, for example being happy,excited to crying, irritable etc

yes she's reading Pema chodron the buddist monk

Doctor Rao : Ok

The author/monk is twice divorced and i see that Buddha himself left his wife and child

Doctor Rao : She reading Pema Chordron, do yu think it is out of her charector or has she always interested in religions both selfand other

So now she has the green light to ask for a separation because she satisfied my request to go to marriage counseling even though all she said was that she wouldn't work on it


soulshift sounds to me like bull shit, a way to get out without ever doing any work on the marriage. My 3 kids deserve us doing the work


so i sit here not knowing when the axe will officially fall on the marriage meanwhile we have lovely days together

Doctor Rao : I think she would benefit from an appointment with a Doctor,preferably a Psychiatrist for complete assessment to see whether she is displaying any symptoms of mood disorder.I suspect she wouldnt agree to this.If so, a family doctor appointment would be helpful.From what you said, she is displaying some behaviours out of her character, increased religiosity, feeling unsafe with yu(not sure whether it amount to paranoia or not able to connect ) which needs further evaluation.. I am not sure whether the counsellor managed to pick on any of these. I hope she woud follow your advice and seek help(at least an assessment). I wish you all the best.If you need further information, pleas ego not hesitate to ask. If you agree with me answer,please, Accept the answer.Thank you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 4 years ago.
Hi there! I can hear how frustrating this is for you... to be in a constant state of limbo--- just waiting for her to decide to either leave or file for a divorce. I say it that way because if she has clearly stated that she will not work on it, you cannot fix this alone. You are a victim of her decision, and she is holding all the power. And feeling powerless is one of the most exhausting feelings in the world. It leads to anger, depression, and leaves you feeling nothing but despair as you watch and wait.

With that said, taking action is the antidote to feeling powerless. So, getting counseling, being with the kids and your friends, doing things that you find comforting and nurturing to your soul and continuing to learn as much as you can about yourself will help to keep you somewhat stable during this period of uncertainty. Taking the focus off of her and putting it on you is key to managing the conflicting emotions you may be feeling; just focus on each day, moment by moment, and find at least one thing that lifts your spirits each day. Although this may be the end of the marriage, and it may be because she has changed, or is going through an identity crisis, or whatever the reason, life has an uncanny way of clearing the way for future events to unfold, some that you may have no idea could ever even possibly have happened, when you look back on this period of time later on in your future. Just try to trust the journey, and try to take care of yourself and the kids right now. Accept that although you may have no control over what happens here, that what lies around the corner may just be what you needed. Stay in the moment, be good to yourself, and let me know if you have any further questions or information to share. I hope you found my suggestions somewhat helpful, and I wish you all the best as you work your way through this period of time!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I hada sexual addiction I tink they call "intrigue" which she ffound about and I've since stopped. She claims it has no bearing on us but when she discovered it she said she felt humiliated. Can she ever come back when she's this far gone mentally? We have lovely conversations everydya I massage her for a half hour now and then in bed. If I don't bring up the marriage everything is perfect aside from us not having sex. I hold her each night before sleep. My hope is that her natural procrastination will give me another year to work on my self in therapy with her still in the home. My intrigue had me flirting with numerous women none of whom I ever met with much less slept with. I think I did this to bolster my self esteem. I don't do it any more
Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 4 years ago.
Can she ever come back? Certainly! If she is really still on the fence and hasn't completely checked out, anything is possible. If you feel that you can manage through the uncertainty and wait it out, by all means do so. You don't want to have any regrets by making any moves before it becomes necessary to do so. It sounds like you are being sweet and kind and caring, and I say that is really the best thing to do right now, given the circumstances!! So, keep up the great work, keep letting her know how you feel, and I hope that the tide turns in your direction soon!! :-)
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I guess that's the big question she says that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore and wouldn't consider trying to save the marriage when asked at our one and only marriage counseling. she clainms there is no one else and we tall each other we love each other every day and kiss and hug. She probably resents me for trying to keep her in the marriage but when I said I would do what she wanted she lit up and it deflated the whole situation. can she come back from being that checked out?

Does it sound to you like there is someone else? She does text with a happily married old friend from 20 years ago



Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 4 years ago.
Are you feeling that this could be the reason? Sometimes, intuition has the answer but we just aren't ready to hear it... and it could just be that she is still conflicted and working through her own reactions to your previous issues with the help of her friends. You might represent mistrust right now, while her friend represents trust of a long time, and she is leaning on that to get through. I am only guessing, of course, and all you can really control is yourself anyways. Again, I would say keep doing what you are doing and stay the course. Sometimes, people need to learn their own lessons and find answers for themselves, in their own time. You may have found yours and know now just what you want, but your own search propelled her into a search of her own, and now you have to just stand by and wait it out, and hope for the best! I wish you all the luck and strength while you wait!
Heidi LPC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 278
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
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