Please help. My wife has been suffering from annorexia for the most part of her life although has only started councelling the past 3-4 months. Alot has emerged from the councelling that she has never talked about. I am really struggling with one major issue. She is posting pictures of herself on facebook continually and getting lots of attention from men on facebook. This is really getting to me. What makes matters worse is that I had suspissions of something going on between her and one of these guys. I looked through her phone to find lucid messages to and from each other including a picture sent to him in her underware and also messages asking him to meet up with her. Reference was also made to what this guy wanted to do to her sexually. In response to me questioning her she said she couldn't explain why she had done it. She felt unloved. Now I am totally paranoid and dont know what to think. I cant help myself. I keep going through her phone and facebook checking up on her. Her councillor says if I dont stop accusing her her illness will get worse and worse. Is this normall? Please help, I'm going out my mind and dont want to loose her.RegardsMark
Person's Gender: Female
Person's Age: 33
Cant help accusing her everytime she goes out
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
Anorexia is a complex psychiatric illness and people with eating disorders can look for validation in many different ways.
This does seem to be a bit different than others as people with anorexia tend to hide their body if they are underweight.
is her weight stable and she has been feeling better about herself or is she still restricting her food intake to the point where she is underweight?
I am also hoping that you are getting some support as well since anorexia affects not just her but all of those around her that love her. People with anorexia tend to have a difficult time connecting to their feelings and most often feel poorly about themselves and this gets played out through their bodies.
It is quite possible that she is looking externally for validation and a way to connect to her self by others having a response to her body.
I will wait until you are available so we can process this further, but anorexia is a complex issue that affects you as well.
As i had said alot has come to light since the councelling began. She apparently didnt think i love dher when we got married but thought she could change me.[Which is rubbish. i would do anything for her} Says that I am not supportive enough. [I may have not always been there for her in the way she wanted]. She says nothing has happened and that she couldn't let anyone see her body yet she still sent that picture. The only one i know of.Her weight is relatively stable. I am so scared she is having an affair . Im at my witts end. Dont know what to do but I cant help myself accusing her. I never had an issue with trusting her before this happened. Please help
I can understand it all and sadlt someone with anorexia has a hard time taking in when others care and love and they look for it.
My gut, knowing very well about her illness says she is not having an affair.
she sent the pictures to get some sort of feeling or validation
What can I do to get this out of my head? She has asked me to leave for a while so as i can sort my head and stop accusing her. We have a 3 year old son as well. How can i get over this ? Its killing both of us and ripping our family apart. Her family take her side and my family take mine. Please please please. Im desperate.
I know you are. I suggest that you both see a therapist together so she can hear how you feel and hear it in a different way that isnt accusatory. Once this is in your head it is there and me just telling you to let go and trust does not help.
but in therapy you can be heard and listened to by her and the therapist and not held hostage by the illness or someone giving you the threat that you will make it worse
I have suggested this but she is pretty much saying that i have to sort my head out before i return. I think i probably do need help. The longer im out the house the worse i feel though because i dont know what she is up to.
well then get some help for yourself...this is what an eating disorder can due...it can wreak havoc and you are in the storm right now.
do you have access to someone there in the UK for yourself?
I stay in Paisley Renfrewshire. Do you know of anyone you can recommend to help me/us?
give me one moment to look for you please. I am still here with you while I look
I dont know where to begin. Do i go to a councillor or hypnotist, phsyciatrist?
Thanks Jen. If this works and gets our lives back on track I'll be forever gratefull
and one more. I like choices.
you need the support my friend. Stay strong
you can always come and request me anytime you need more support I am here.
Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach