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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5424
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Customer Question

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Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Got it!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello Kate,

I've been wanting to write for hours, but now I'm here I'm stuck. So I will tell you in points, and hope that I come unstuck soon.

...... No, can't even do that. I hate feeling like this. But it has been a fairly good day, so I don't know what's going on.. I feel like this when I try to talk and can't.

I'll have another go in a while

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed with your emotions. That is ok. Take it in steps. Just reaching out and talking with me is a good sign!

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you Kate,

I am trying again....lots of things....

talk with Sam
visit to Linda,
phone call from Ziggy (abuse outreach worker)
Solicitor, phonecall, email, appointment
Local news

it's making me breath fast, cover my face with my hand, trying hard, a little progress.

so silly, just stuck.

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

There is a lot you are dealing with.

 

How did your talk go with Sam? Was it about his drug use or something else?

 

What did you and Linda talk about?

 

The outreach worker got in touch with you! That is great. I know you were waiting patiently to hear from them. What did she say? Anything that you feel will help?

 

And your solicitor got in touch? I hope that turned out well. What did he have to say?

 

What is the local news?

 

Deep breath, try relaxing with progressive muscle relaxation. Everything is ok, just a little overwhelming for now. Let's talk it out and see what we can work on.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you,

I am feeling anxious. trying to relax

Yes I talked to Sam about the drugs. I told him they will harm him. He wanted to know how, testing me. I didn't really know. I said I must read about it. I know he won't listen, he can't be the only one to say no.

I told Linda about everything that has happened in the last month. I talked a lot. I told her I felt stupid for marrying D. She said he was OK when I married him. I told her I had low self esteem and she was surprised, said why. I said my childhood wasn't good. She knew me at school, my family, parents, she said why, how? I couldn't tell her, I froze up, she said don't tell me if you don't want to. She was someone from my childhood. I cried. But it was good to see her.

My mobile rang at home, it was Ziggy, she told me who she was and that she would be a link for me, asked me a few questions and I got very stuck I felt stressed. My phone lost signal while I was trying to tell her something. I thought she'd ring me back, but she texted to say she would ring me the week after next when she is back from leave, and left me a contact number.

I phoned the solicitors secretary, no reply. I spoke the the receptionist and said I am TRYING to get some communication. She said phone again, or email. She said she would email the secretary to say I was trying to get in touch. I emailed to ask for an appointment, and I had a reply with an appointment for next Thursday.

I try to talk about the news later.

I am feeling all-sorts, muddly feelings, and I keep going back to my therapy session. I wanted to email Adele, but think I'm just being silly, wanted to tell her how badly I felt after.

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Rose,

It is perfectly fine to email Adele and let her know how you are feeling. Hopefully, her email will work and she can contact you and give you some support.

You certainly have been busy! I will help you with Sam and how to talk with him. He sounds a bit like he is imitating Dave in his challenge with you. It is not for you to prove to him that smoking weed is bad for him. You are the parent and he is still living in your home. He needs to know there are boundaries to his behavior. Just so you know, here is a link to the effects of weed:

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/pot/a/effects.-Lya.htm


http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/marijuana


That way, you are armed and ready to talk with him again.

I am glad you shared with Linda. It was hard, I know (how could something like that be easy for anyone?) but you are so brave. And sharing your burden can only help you. Plus, you get another person to support you.

I hope you can get Ziggy to contact you. The support would be really nice.

I can't believe that your attorney won't contact you! You must feel terribly frustrated. I am sorry he is doing this. You are doing all you can to make this happen and he is bailing on you. I hope he contacts you soon.

What do you feel it was about your session that is staying with you?

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5424
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have horrible feelings of inadequacy, patheticness. Stupidity for my connection with D in the first place. Why couldn't I have had some insight, why couldn't I see around the corner? And I was wordless, more so than ever. I wouldn't take part, just stood like a fool with my lips clamped shut, wanting to hide behind my hand, wanting to sit down again and make myself smaller, touch my rabbit, but she wanted me to stand up tall, feet firmly on the ground; wanting it all to stop so I could be released.

I wrote in my email to her that she read before we started that I had cut. (not last few days) I asked her not to ask me about it. I knew when she got to that bit bc she said 'oh H****y' with a sad voice. She didn't ask me, but she understood why I was feeling overwhelmed by everything over the week.

Today I am feeling confused, thinking about the Social workers words about my perception being inaccurate. I am having moments of huge self doubt that what I am seeing and feeling isn't real, but Adele keeps talking about D as if he IS unreal, I mean out of this world, by what I tell her he says, does, doesn't do, his behaviour etc. I don't think I would have made things up, it's just an accumulation of 20 years worth of stuff squashed together and so it seems big, and I suppose as I have lived with it all spread out it has gone by almost unnoticed, until now when I try to piece everything togethre and it gets magnified. If I was to tell it all to D he would say no, I'm not like that, I have helped with the children, I have earned some money, I haven't been abusive all the time etc

So much more..... but I am so so tired. And I'm going down with a virus. Lucky me

Thank you for talking, I wish I didn't have to go :(

Goodnight

Rose
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
ps thank you for the links. I'll tell you about the news tomorrow, I hope.
Rosexx
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Rose,

I am sorry I missed you. I had wanted to connect with you again today. You are feeling so down that my heart is hurting for you.

Feeling inadequate can be linked directly with childhood experiences. Feeling ashamed, questioning your worth, and feeling powerless are all strong indications that you did not get your needs met as a child and instead were made to feel horrible about yourself. You are still looking through those childhood glasses, the ones that your parents put on you. They have become who you think you are, rather than what reality is.

Reality is that you are the opposite of those things. You are worthy, strong and resourceful. Kind, compassionate, caring. And smart, very smart. You see things that very few people do. Your words jump off the page, full of poetry, describing your feelings with such fullness that I feel as if I am next to you, seeing it all. These are the parts of you that you sometimes embrace. But it is often a fragile embrace, easily questioned by Dave and others.

Adele is correct in what she is telling you. I feel the same as she does. You do as well, you just don't allow it in, choosing the self doubt instead. You are absolutely right in what you are doing. Getting out of your marriage is imperative. And you are right, you could not make this stuff up. If you could, you really need to go to Hollywood, you'd make a mint! What Dave does to you and the kids is horrifying. Your perception is correct. You are doing the right thing by getting out.

It is often the case when you have been traumatized to not believe what you see. It is because what you have been through is so out of the ordinary, so bad that you literally cannot believe what has happened. So you try to normalize it in your mind saying that what you see and feel cannot be real, it's too outrageous. And you are used to taking in what others think so when Dave denies hurting you, you question yourself. The key is to teach yourself to trust your own instincts and what you see and feel. And those around you who truly care about you. Everyone who hears about you and Dave is behind you getting out to help yourself and the kids. Listen to everyone except Dave. And most of all listen to yourself. You are worthy of that.

Thank you for sharing part of your name with me. I liked learning about you, even if it was in the context that it was. I am so sorry about the pain you are feeling. I am here for you. I want to be sure we connect as much as you need as you work through this. I'll check in tomorrow to see if you have posted.

Have a good night, Rose. You are in my prayers.

Katex

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5424
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kate,

I see JA have made yet MORE changes to the site, but I am unable to accept your last answer. No matter which way round I try it, it won't let me give you a happy smiley face, nor accept. It has troubled me before, but I've always been able to get through the smiley stage. I'll keep trying :) :)

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Sorry about that! I will let the moderators know so they may be able to process what they call a no click accept (they will put it through for you). If they can't help then don't worry about it. I enjoy talking with you regardless!

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks Kate.

And I like sharing me with you too. I will tell you my name one day. I wonder if I could change my name to Rose some day, for a new beginning- no connection to my childhood, or to Dave, just blossoming for a new life.

I hope you get your accept, everyone is worth it. :)

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Rose,

 

I think it's a great idea to change your name, but only if you feel it would be something you really want. I think no matter your name, you are always a beautiful person to me!

 

I did get the accept. Thank you so much. I am always grateful for how thoughtful you are with me. But you know I want to talk with you either way. I so enjoy our time together!

 

Kate

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