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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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"Kate" Hello. When I go to work and say hello to the night

Customer Question

"Kate" Hello. When I go to work and say hello to the night supervisor and he does not respond. What does this mean? My mom says he could be thinking about something else. Or is it because he is unhappy about something? It bothered me at times he would not answer back because here I am going out of my way to be nice to him and he does not answer me. I found out that sometimes he doesn't answer back to another co worker when he says hello. Then there are other times he will say hello to me first when I come to work. He is unpredictable. When he runs me down to another co worker, or as I walk by him or when I am near him, could the reason he is running me down is because it helps him feel better and that he is an unhappy person. He does not have a life, hates his father, and the only friend he has is the grocery manager, our boss.You metioned to me earlier don't give him the satisfaction of a reaction and that is great advice. If I do talk back to him or run him down to another co worker then I am lowering myself down to his standards and that will make me look just as bad or worse than him, do you agree? When there are times he is agitating me or getting under my skin, making me feel angry or upset, are there any books that can help me to do quick meditation that will quickly calm and relax me before I go back to work? Mindful techniques that I can quickly practice at work in a very short time. Rather than argue with him or run him down which is probably what he wants me to do. I can get away from him for a few moments or 5 minutes, finding a quiet place away from him to relax and practice quick meditating techniques to calm and relax me and change my thinking patterns towards him and go back to work so the next time I see him its like I am in a calm and relaxed state now and you running me down to someone else or as I walk by has no effect on me. Also another way could I look at this is I like the OC show. The night supervisor is a bully like Volchok. So I can try to be the better person like Ryan, who doesn't look to run anyone down and to try to mind my own business. Thank you Kate.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Rao replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I can see the question addressed to Kate. I am not sure she is on line or not. U hit this question to my mail box. If you are specifically looking a answer from an expert called, please let me know. So that I will opt out. If you want an answer from me please rely to this. I don't want to interfere, so just want to clarify first . Thank you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I'm sorry Dr Rao. I would prefer Kate to answer this. I'm sorry I clicked this question to your mailbox by mistake.
Expert:  Doctor Rao replied 2 years ago.
Hi, Of course. Not a problem. I will try to opt out. If I am unable to do so, please relist this question at no extra charge. Thanks.
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Camille, is there a way I can edit some of the information? so I can take away or add some words. All that is listed is edit price. Thank you.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Sorry about the wait. I wrote you answer and tried to post it, but the JA system lost the answer. I am working on it right now and will have it for you asap.

 

Sorry,

 

Kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello!


Your supervisors refusal to say hi in response to your greeting can be due to something as simple as not hearing you. Some people do get distracted and actually tune out the rest of the world. But given that he has other behaviors that indicate he has issues getting along with others, most likely the greeting issue is due to his insecurity issues.


Someone who make a point of ignoring others, talks about others behind their backs and puts them down, and talks about you as you pass by is insecure. That basically means that they never developed a good self esteem, maybe because they were put down as a child or they were abused in some manner. Because they do not feel good about themselves, they try to put others down so they can feel more superior. But since this is only makes them feel better temporarily, they have to keep doing it to get the same effect. And if you show no reaction, they may try even harder. That is because by ignoring them, they feel even less adequate so they try harder to make up for it.


Your supervisor likes to be unpredictable probably because it makes him feel more in control. This is important to someone who has a low self esteem and adequacy issues. They need to have control so they feel better. Being unpredictable keeps you guessing, so they can make you feel inadequate. What you may want to try in response to this is either to not say hello at all, or to say it whether or not he responds or says it first. If you are consistent, then he has no way to control you. He may still try, but it takes the power out of what he is doing.


You are right, talking about him or anyone else only makes you look just as bad as he does. People may seem to enjoy hearing what you say, but in the end, they only wonder if you can be trusted or if you talk about them like that. And it has no effect on your night supervisor as he only feels worse when he hears about you talking about him. It will make him target you so he can deal with his feelings of inadequacy by bringing you back down again. It can become a cycle that goes out of control and ends up with one of you, or both or you, losing your job.


There are many techniques that can help you cope with your night supervisor's behavior. Mindfulness can be one, but learning how to relax and reduce your anxiety and reaction to the behavior is another. Here are some resources I recommend:

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_self_help.htm

 

http://www.ehow.com/how_2054033_relax.html

 

http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/blissing-out-10-relaxation-techniques-reduce-stress-spot

 

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htm- This is a great guide to how to relax. The more you practice it the easier it gets. And it can be used anywhere.

 

http://stress.about.com/od/generaltechniques/ht/howtoimagery.htm

 

Guided Imagery for Self-Healing by Martin L. Rossman


Just to let you know, I will be away from my computer from this Sunday May 13th to Wednesday May 16th. I will try to check in, but I'm not sure I'll have access to internet (out of town trip). I didn't want you to write and not be able to get a quick answer.

 

Let me know if you need more resources or have any more questions. I enjoy talking with you!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Kate. I am sorry for the problem I caused earlier as I was clicking edit button to add or change information and moving back and forth quickly and I clicked this question to another box it showed by mistake. This was my fault I am sorry.

Would a book like one moment meditation by Martin Boroson or one minute mindfulness work for me? Whenever he makes me angry or upset I can get away from him, find a quiet place to relax and practice quick meditating techniques to calm and relax me, change my thinking patterns toward him and go back to work so the next time I see him I will be more calm, relaxed and focused and him running me down will show no effect on me. I can also use the information from the other sites you gave me as well as the books.

I will try to be more like Ryan on the OC and I will try to be the bigger and better person for not running him or anyone else down and think of the supervisor as Kevin Volchok who is a jealous unhappy bully. This can help me get through this also.

Thank you.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

No problem! It happens.

 

I think that book would work for you as well. I would recommend it, but I am usually careful about meditation books because some of them push the religion that goes with meditation, leaving some people feeling uncomfortable. But if you are ok with that and want to use it for the technique, I think this book would work well for you.

 

Changing your thinking patterns is more under the cognitive behavior techniques. If you want to try some of these resources, they may help:

 

Boost Your Self-Esteem with CBT: A Teach Yourself Guide (Teach Yourself: Relationships & Self-Help) Christine Wilding

 

Change Your Thinking: Overcome Stress, Anxiety, and Depression, and Improve Your Life with CBT by Sarah Edelman

 

Understanding CBT: Develop Your Own Toolkit to Reduce Stress and Increase Well-being by Stephen Palmer and Kasia Szymanska

 

I don't watch the OC but it sounds like a good way to handle how you feel. I may have to start watching the show now :)

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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