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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5481
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate, Ive tried to get out like you suggested or to

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate,

I've tried to get out like you suggested or to have something to look forward to but have not succeeded thus far.

Part of the problem is that my daughter is happy to just stay in and watch t.v./movies with me, etc. This is nice to do every so often but sometimes it just makes me feel worse. I can't even concentrate on what is on plus I end up falling asleep. I slept half this weekend I think.

My appt. with my therapist on Friday went well but although I did read her all the emotions I was feeling (like you suggested), I didn't get into how bad they really were making me feel. I will need to try again on Tuesday when I see her next. I even brought my journal with me where I wrote down my feelings and it didn't really get the job done. So failed again.

I feel like my emotions are taking over me. I can't seem to concentrate on things. Even reading a book is futile as I am not absorbing the words I have read. Perhaps getting back to the gym this coming week will help me.

I miss my boyfriend so much. I never realize how I feel until it is too late. Now I wish I would have done things differently and have so much remorse. I feel so lonely even though I have my daughter. I feel so sad and incapable of seeing a future for me.

Kathy
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Kathy,

 

It can sometimes take a while to change habits that you have had for a long time. When you are depressed, you can get into a rut and begin seeing things the same way, so even when you try to change, it gets met with a brick wall.

 

It may be that the goals need broken down into smaller steps. Instead of trying to find something to look forward to in a few days, try in the next hour. So if you accomplish doing the laundry for instance, then treat yourself to something you enjoy right afterwards. Even if you only indulge for five minutes, it's something you can feel good about.

 

You may want to talk with your daughter about making other plans. Maybe make it a half an half weekend. For example, she gets to watch 3 movies if you both go out and do 3 activities you like to do. That way, you don't feel you have devoted all your time just watching TV and she gets to share in what you like and maybe develop a liking for it too.

 

You may also want to try something new and out of character this week. Something you have never tried before and wanted to. It can help create new pathways in your brain and help promote endorphins, which will make you feel better.

 

Try not to accept blame for the break up. Your boyfriend was the one who left so he had his reasons. But when someone leaves a relationship, it is often because they have issues. More times than not, it is about them and not you. Accepting blame is only making it worse for you and will get you into a self destructive loop that you will have trouble getting out of.

 

Let me know how it goes with your therapist next time you see her,

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Kate,

 

Thanks for all the suggestions. You really are a wealth of helpful information.

 

My daughter would do pretty much do anything I suggest. I just didn't suggest anything because I wanted to lie around and feel sorry for myself.

 

I think you are right about the goal making. I can't seem to think very far ahead. It feels overwhelming, So I will try using the smaller bits of time approach.

 

Motivation really is a problem. I think about all the things that have caused me pain all the time. This just makes me feel worse than I already feel. Changing my thoughts seems nearly impossible. I have tried but have not succeeded yet.

 

As for my boyfriend...not many people would want to stay with a person who has been assaulted three times and has failing health. I carry far too much baggage for any one person to handle. Then add in my psychological problems and it is a miracle our relationship lasted so long. I am not exactly girlfriend material for anyone. I am too scarred. It is too bad because I think I could offer another person some positive things but will probably never get the chance.

 

Thanks as always Kate. You always seem to know the right things to say.

 

Kathy

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Kathy,

 

I think trying to break things down into smaller steps will help with the motivation and feeling overwhelmed. Like you said sometimes it's too much all at once. It will help to make smaller goals.

 

It's easy to be discouraged about your relationship. But people go through tough times all the time in relationships, so it can't just be you. It may not help much to know that, but blaming yourself for everything is only going to hurt you and hinder your recovery.

 

Thank you ahead of time for your accept!

 

Talk to you soon,

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5481
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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