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It is hard to understand and I get that. It all comes down to whether or not you trust that I can help. You don't necessarily need to understand therapy to benefit from it. I do not understand your profession, so I would have to trust what you tell me about it, even if I thought it was strange or didn't make any sense.
But only you can decide if that works for you.
I hope your day goes well and you are able to get on the road for your trip. Be safe!
Talk with you soon,
It sounds like there is some transference going on or maybe you can't tell what I am feeling through my posts. I am in no way upset with you. Nor am I disappointed. It's not my job to approve or disapprove of how you work through therapy. My only job here is to guide you through, not to judge you.
You have made a lot of progress in therapy. How you felt on Tuesday was just fine. There was nothing wrong with it. And you said you were very happy with how far you have come. That is great! When I talked with you about your feelings on Tuesday, it was not about approving or disapproving of what you felt. It was about healthy and unhealthy feelings.
For example, blaming yourself for what happened to you during the attack is a natural response. Most people who survive an attack experience those feelings. They look for some way to see how it is their fault. There is nothing wrong with them because they feel that. But instead of accepting they are to blame the rest of their lives, which does not help them in any way and only keeps them from putting the attack behind them, therapy helps them to see that blaming is a harmful emotion. It is not wrong, it's just harmful. And this is where you are getting stuck. You are equating harmful with wrong. Your feelings are not wrong because they are a natural response to the situation. But if you want to move on from your past, seeing what emotions are harmful and dealing with them is vital.
I care very much about how you feel. But in order to work through this, you need to trust that I am here to help. I am not going to intentionally hinder you, hurt you or try to twist this around so you never get better.
You mentioned needing time to work through this. That is fine. But when you talk about your feelings, what would you like me to do with what you say? I can be supportive of your feelings, but is that helpful enough? Or are you looking to explore them further by talking about them? I am just trying to get a handle on what you are looking for.
You had quite a day in mediation! I hope you are enjoying your trip.
I have absolutely no issue with you wanting to spend more time processing your feelings. All I need to know is what you need from me. We can talk about how you feel until you feel ready to move to the next level.
I also have been very truthful with you. I have no reason to deceive you in any way. Why would I? If I am not truthful with you, then you won't feel better and all the work we do together will mean nothing.
I take a neutral posture because as a therapist I am trained to remain neutral, not to offer an opinion. I am there to understand your feelings not to judge you. That is why I say things like that to you. It is not my call to say how you feel. It is not up to me to decide if your feelings are wrong. I am here to guide you based on my knowledge. And I cannot do that if I do not know how you feel. By you telling me that you want more time to process your feelings, I now know what you need.
A good example is looking in a mirror. I am here as your mirror. What you feel is reflected through me. My job is to provide you with an accurate reflection of yourself. Most people come to therapy with a funhouse mirror image of themselves. My job is to give you a normal mirror image. Self awareness is not easy for most people, so being neutral helps me provide an accurate reflection for you. If I start to add all my own opinions, attitudes and experiences in therapy, it wouldn't benefit you. I am trained that whatever I think in counseling is to be about your situation and to leave myself out of it.
I hope that helped.
Hope you are having a good time! Talk with you soon,