How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Why am I always attracted to men who are not interested in

Resolved Question:

Why am I always attracted to men who are not interested in forming along term relationship with me
Kind Regards
Alex
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear Alex,

A understand and appreciate the frustrating and unsatisfying nature of your current dynamics with men.

For starters, you have to know what your man is seeking from the relationship so that you can give it to him in order to get hims to love you in a way that YOU want. I am not talking about being "easy", of course.

Men do not like to be worshipped, and it is not necessary to do whatever he wants, particularly if you have no desire to do it. All men like and respect a woman with a mind of her own, and they also like to be very admired, such as their biggest "fan".

Men sometimes leave women who try to be whatever they think the men want them to be - more than they leave other women. They also leave women who try to dress and act sexy all the time and give them all the sex they want - and more. Men like sex, to be sure, but they want much more.

Girls guys leave

The women that men leave, amazingly enough, are the gals who strive to be whatever he wants.

Some women think that all there is to being the kind of woman men love is dressing sexy and giving him all the sex that he can handle. There is an unfair perception that all men want is sex. Some men do, however, and those are the ones that will become bored with you and leave you, once the relationship moves beyond intimacy.

Men love women that make them feel desired, loved, admired - and these feelings must be real and honest. If a man perceives your admiration to be less than genuine, he will move on to a more honest relationship.

The botXXXXX XXXXXne is understanding your man, finding out what he wants and needs from you, while all-the-while retaining your own unique identity.

I wish you the best of luck.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I need more information this sems to be all about his needs
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear Alex,

Relationships are about your mutual needs. I have already explained how important it is for men to have their needs met.

The one need (and the most essential), that you brought up, is your need to have a relationship that will endure. You need to trust the man. You need to feel safe. You need to feel admired, you need good communication, you need to feel relaxed.

You have not given me any description of how your relationships seem to fall apart quickly. If you can give me something to go on such as:

-What your YOUR needs? What do you want out of a relationship? I can guess at the basics, but only you know the details. Perhaps you can convey them to the man as you begin to open up to each other.
-How does a typical date go?
-How soon do the relationships last?
-Are you intimate, and if so, after dating for how long?
-How does a breakup start?

I look forward to hearing more from you so that I can assist you.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

 

Hi

I am atracted to men physically and intellectually who dont seem interested in along term comitted relationship.

Most of these men are degree educated and I enjoy talking and learning from them

I have battled with Dyslexia most of my life and am vulnerable with Maths and certain elements of memory which although men are physically attracted to me when they realise my confusing capabilities that affect my professional life they seen to with draw.

I am seen as abit of an enigna .

My Father is a very sucessful man but has always been absent since my parents divorce and being with a very possesive step mum.

One of my biggest loves told me our relationship was just sex although honest with me unfortunatelyI fell in love with him but he was never in to me and the relationship broke down badly when I found out he was cheating on me.

Another relationship was with a guy at work a senoir member of staff who was married who chased and chased me I met his parents and he moved out of the marital home and we moved in together but then the company went back on there word and fired me as the relationship had become serious i then struggled toget another job and he told me he had changed his mind about wanting anymore children our relationship plummeted down and eventually he went back to his wife

Another relationship was with a divorced guy who when we met I again was struggling in the job and it affected our relationship in the end he said his feelings had changed.

I am adopted born premature as my natural mother was very stressed during pregnacy hence I am Dyslexic.

My adoptive parents divorced when I was twelve my Adoptive Father had an affair.

My Natural Father left the scene when he found out my mother was pregnant.

I know I have not had great male role models it does not take a genuis to work that out however I seem to be physically and intellectually attracted to men who are not interrested or who can not handle my struggles professionally they dont want the hassle or burden

Please help

Kind Regards

 

Alex

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear Alex,

You have revealed a lot by saying that you are attracted to men who don't seem interested in a long term committed relationship. Although YOU want such a relationship, you have such fear of abandonment that you sabotage your relationships from the beginning. You have such fear of rejection that you engage in a self-fulfilling prophecy scenario in which the ultimate outcome is failure.

It has nothing to do with dyslexia. It has nothing to do with imperfect math skills. Many brilliant people fall down in the math department. The men in your life have abandoned you. Your natural mother evidently abandoned you. They didn't care, and now you choose other men who don't care.

You can change course. Let me recommend two books that will help you to do that. They are both available at amazon.com and elsewhere.

Changing Course: Healing from Loss, Abandonment and Fear by Claudia Black

AND

Taming Your Outer Child: A Revolutionary Program to Overcome Self-Defeating Patterns by XXXXX XXXXX

Reading these books will surely help you change your life. You must break this pattern. You seem that you have so much to offer. You will learn how to stop giving yourself to the wrong men. There is someone out there who will love you for who you are, with all of your minor imperfections, and help you to overcome your big problem - lack of trust - by understanding you and standing by you in your moments of doubt and self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior.

I know you can overcome this. You CAN learn to trust again but you must stop choosing partners who only reinforce your anticipated lack of commitment.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

 

Hi Elliot

Thank youfor this however other friends of mine whom are adopted are happily married so how come they are and I am not

I also fell pregant with one of these men and he walked out saying he did not want to know at all, i desperately wanted to keep the baby but my Adoptive mother said do not expect me to help you emotionally or finacially you are on your own and she did not contact me for months so I terminated the pregancy and I have bad days as it would have been the first part of me I ever saw.....

I repeated what happened to my natural mother except I did not expect the Father of the child to react this way we had known each other for over ten years

Is there anymore fianl advice you can give me

 

Kind Regards

Alex

 

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear Alex,

It is not just being adopted, but there were other abandonment issues as well. In any case, different people react differently. There are so many other external forces that have affected your life.

You can overcome this. Read the books for starters. If you feel that you need more help afterwards, then find a therapist that you can talk to, face to face, and work this out slowly with her or him. You can change, but it will require time and real effort. You have the intelligence to change and I believe that you can overcome this.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education