Hello, I have been a Marriage and Family Therapist for 20 years and have worked with many, many families with teenage children. I would like to offer you a different answer for your consideration. You and your wife and daughter are engaged in a pattern of communication that has become the norm and is very difficult to change without professional help. As it stands now, you are the bad guy and your wife if the "perfect parent" (no such thing by the way!). So this is not simply your problem to fix; your wife plays a big part in this as well. ........ continuing........
You are very wise to recognize that issues from your family of origin are contributing to your anger in communication with your daughter. This is something that needs to be processed through in therapy, not your own individual therapy, but family therapy. My professional recommendation is that you, your wife and daughter see a Marriage and Family Therapist to work on your relationships. Your MFT will help you all understand why you are behaving the way you are towards one another. And I can guarantee you that all three of you have work to do!!! It will be a rich experience that will bring your family closer to one another. Family Therapy will also have great benefit for your daugher because she will gain understanding of the generational issues from both you and your wife's side of her family, and thus will not be likely to repeat them. The negative cycles will be broken and not carried into future generations.
You may go to www.TherapistLocator.net or www.psychologytoday.com to search for Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists where you live.
It has been my pleasure to answer your question. Chat back if you need anything further. I wish you, your wife and daughter all the best, XXXXX XXXXX
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