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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3706
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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I know my husband is having an affair, it started back in August

Resolved Question:

I know my husband is having an affair, it started back in August of 2011 when I overheard a phone conversion between him and this woman about "how good thier sex is" - he lied saying he never said that and that he was on the phone with his brother - so I'm the "crazy one". Since I've found credit card recipts for restaurants, him staying out all week end saying his mother was sick - I found out he was never there. I've found this womans phone number and left messages on her phone (not nasty) explaining he's a married man with 3 children - I get no response. I know its still going on and its driving me crazy. I just want it to end so we can try to rebuild our marriage...please any advise?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 4 years ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this affair and the emotional turmoil that you have been enduring as a result.

Bill :

I have worked with couples for over 30 years and albeit a terrible event in your life, reading what you have written is what I typically hear from women when an affair comes to light under these types of circumstances.

Bill :

Denial and Blaming (you) are typical defense men used when an affair is uncovered

Bill :

In all likelihood if he has been lying to you the affair is continuing however this is only conjecture based on my experience.

Customer:

So how do I try to work through this with him? When he won't admit to it and stop it and move on.

Bill :

If doesn't sound as though your husband is in a place of dealing with this in couples therapy so it may be best for you to find a good therapist to sort out your feelings and direction.

Customer:

Why is it he stays in this marriage why not just leave?

Bill :

There are many reasons and not knowing him, I cannot say for sure, but it is well know that the person with the least interest in a relationship often has the most control so that would be my sense in this situation as well.

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