Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
You are in a very tough position and I feel for you.
after 19 years of being unhappy it seems as if you are getting closer to taking care of yourself!
I am here with you.
I only wish I could be on my own an I know I can take care of myself very well, but I would feel very guilty on leaving his alone
yes and i understand that and it is so hard because then it comes down to who gets taken care of less...if you stay it is all for him and no caretaking of you and if you leave you feel guilty.
Does he use his ailments as a way to get you to stay?
I would like to move nearer to my son & his family where I would feel I had support but He has, my husband that is, always gone against me having any support.
Yes I beleive he does
and that is abusive...keeping you isolated from your support system. What does your son say about it?
I once said I was leaving and he told me he had only 2 years to live, that was about 14 years ago
My son gets very annoyed and says I should leave
he has really got you tied up in this and he knows you will stay when he pulls that. is there a way to take care of yourself in this? Tell me what you want...YOU. not him.YOU. it has been 19 years of him. I want to hear " I want...
I want to start a life near my family alone b ut I fear that will never happen
and it wont happen why?
Because I have not got the courage to leave and the guilt
and I am not asking these questions because I am dumb...I am asking because I want you to get it all out
ok good now we are getting to it. It souds to me that his abuse has robbed you of your strength and courage
you have the strength of your son
have you thought of some face to face counseling where you could get the support and strenght you need to finally living your life for yourself?
But what will happen to my husband if I leave?
I dont know that but it would be important that all those angles are looked at and care set up for him.
it may even be that if he sees you are serious that he may step up and do something for himself and get the help he needs
right now he knows he has you locked i this pattern of abuse
Yes he does and he can get very nasty if I try to complain
exactly. I can say this clearly.
You are in an abusive relationship and you need the support so you can feel strength in any decision you make
would you consider counseling for yourself?
could you stay with your son for a weekend to see how it feels?
ok so where in Australia are you located? i can try and help yu look for someone. you need this support and deserve it.
Yes I think so, but I know what will happen, he will say he cannot manage on his own for more than a few hours
I am in Loxton South Australia
then have your son set up some care for him while you take a break?
Ok, let me look for a moment. I am still here in the chat with you while I look
Is this close to you? http://westleedervillecounselling.com.au/
I dont know
can you look at the site while we arei the chat and see if it is close enough to you?
There is a carer support system in Loxton they may have a councillor Yes I will look it up
Ok that is a good place for you to start but you need more than career support as you need the support of someone who works with relationships, abuse, etc.
I want you to feel as strong as possible...it is impossible to make any kind of decision when you are not feeling strong and that is why i suggest the extra support
but to take a day or two for yourself while getting him care may also be a well deserved break for you in the short term
OK, thankyou I will do what you say. It is good to talk to someone who is understanding
I am here to support you and I want you to feel good in the world and am saddened by how tough things have been for you.
Its not an easy or fast decision
and you need to be clear on whatever decision feels right for you
rely on your son for support...come back and request me anytime.
please call the cousneling center because even if they arent close they can refer you to someone close by
you eed it
Thankyou I will
please click accept if I have been helpful
please take care of yourself