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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3704
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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My husband of 2 years moved his belongings into storage while

Customer Question

My husband of 2 years moved his belongings into storage while I was out of town in my friend's wedding. We were having a rough week the week before, but I thought it was things we could work on. He was staying at a motel while he figured out his plan. I told him he could come home and live in our second bedroom while he was planning so he would be more comfortable and make less of a hasty descion and he is here.This is still striking me as such a drastic measure and I wonder if there is someone else.
He is one year sober and in AA, it's pretty much his life. He told me that he is happy in every other aspect of his life now but with me. We have been together all in all 5 years. We were both heavy drinkers when we met and lived a fun lifestyle. His drinking however proceeded to get unbearable last year and I urged him to seek help. He completed a 30 day rehab and has been sober since. I drank every once in a while when he first came home, but I stopped 6 months ago entirely. We went to a couples counselor at his rehab six months ago and all we got from it is that I get angry and yell at him when I drink, so I stopped. The things the counselor recommended he work on he didn't. I held up my end of the deal and he is still not happy with me. I work 45-50 work weeks, take care of the house solo and am in charge of getting bills paid, etc. I have our health insurance thru my job. He on the other hand "works" for himself. He pays about half of our bills, but never strives to work a little extra to give me a reprieve. This causes some anger and makes me resent him, but he doesn't seem to care. I need answers on why such a dramatic action would be taken. He told me unsolicited that there was nobody else, but he's said it twice now without me even bringing it up and that doesn't sit well with me. Help please;-)
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this major issue in your marriage.

Bill :

In reading what you have written and relying on nearly 35 years of experience working with couples, this type of abrupt moving out of the house while you were away suggests the passive aggressive style that is often found in persons who are not able to deal with their feelings appropriately and act out as your husband has done.

Bill :

I can see that you have been overwhelmed with the pressures of maintaining the house and it is understand that you have reached a point of extreme frustration and anger.

Bill :

The fact that he has moved back into your home would indicate that it is not likely that there is another relationship in place however, he may have acted out with someone and is "protesting too much" as you have indicated in his unsolicited comments regarding being involved with someone else.

Bill :

Always trust your gut instincts.

Bill :

If you want to work on the marriage - you will have to get back into therapy - FAST!

Bill :

If you are not certain, I strongly suggest you get a good individual therapist to help you sort out what you want to do.

Bill :

I think it will also be helpful for you to define you boundaries and limits in clear and concise terms so that you can better communicate your expectations with your husband.

Bill :

The following link explains this in detail and is a helpful structure which you should put in place.

Bill :

Review the information and my response and follow up with me if you have additional information or feedback that will better help me to help you with this.

Bill :

Best, Bill

Bill :

Otherwise,

Bill :

Please Click Green Accept Button So That I Can Receive Credit For My Time

I Also Appreciate Your Positive Feedback

Have The Best Possible Day!

Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
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