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DrFee
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
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Im always craving sex and I cant stop it. Im from a strict,

Customer Question

I'm always craving sex and I cant stop it. I'm from a strict, conservative family and there is no way for me to help myself. How can I make this stop
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Good evening, this is Howard,

It's not unusual to crave sex at your age, in fact, it's quite normal. Why is that a problem for you? Do you think that having sex is wrong, or is a sin? If so, that is not the case. Craving sex, and having sex, is a normal biological function.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
This has been going on since I was 5 yrs old. I've always been told that I cant, I shouldn't and that I'm less than desirable
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
It's time for you to reevaluate what you have been told to determine if it really makes sense for you. As I said before, humans are sexual beings. Craving sex is normal, especially for someone your age.

I am signing off for the night. I will respond to any additional questions in the morning.

Good night!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Other.
I wanted to talk to a woman, also there are reasons why I cant just go out and sleep with someone.
Expert:  DrFee replied 2 years ago.

Hello! Please remember that my response is for information only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

 

I hope that I can be of some help to you.

 

Being told that you are "less than desirable," sounds abusive to me. Can you fill me in a little on who told you that and what that's about.

 

Are you a person of faith? If so, which one? I can speak about sex from a faith based position.

 

Please follow up and I will use your feedback to form my answer to you. I see you are offline, I will check in the morning for your response.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The women in my family told me that while I was growing up and said that if I didn't sleep with anyone I would maybe meet someone who could accept me, but I was repeatedly told that I would never be beautiful or love able by people my own age (my siblings and friends). I was often told that it was better for me to follow the rules and wait for intervention rather than following my own needs and instincts. I am from a strict Christian background. I just need an idea of where to start fixing this.
Expert:  DrFee replied 2 years ago.

 

Hello again --

 

I see two issues going here, and neither of them are consistent with Christian theology.

 

#1 --As I've stated before, the way these women have treated you is abuse. To be told that you are not beautiful, "might" become acceptable, or be able to be loved is horrific, and in complete opposition to the entire message of the New Testament. The Old Testament also delineates how much God loves each of us, with the most poignant example being Psalm 139: For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
"14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you....."

 

Hurting a child abhorrent to God (Matthew 18:6)

 

#2 Sex is an area where many Christians seem to take the prohibition against pre-marital sex and distort it to mean that all sexuality outside of the context of a marriage relationship is wrong. This does not make any logical sense, we are created by God as sexual beings, and this nature cannot be turned "off" (as some seem to state) depending if we are not married.

 

Therefore, "craving sex" as a 21 year old woman is completely normal.

 

Your question --about what to do? Here are my ideas:

 

1. Get some therapy. The messages about who you are as a child are extremely powerful and are most likely integrated deep into your identity. It takes some work to eradicate the effect of these messages.

 

2. If you have remained a Christian, you need to explore what God really says --not an interpretation from one group. Here's some resources for you:

 

Some interesting articles on God's design for sex:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex_and_intimacy/gods_design_for_sex.aspx

 

On this site you can read about why that there is NO Biblical evidence that masturbation is a sin --and masturbation relieves a TON of sexual tension.

 

http://site.themarriagebed.com/front-page

 

You might also find these books by Henry Cloud and John Townsend to be helpful:

 

12 Christian Beliefs that Can Drive You Crazy

 

Changes that Heal

 

Boundaries (especially good for teaching how to deal with those women now)

 

 

I've put a lot out there --please feel free to follow up.

 

 

 

DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience: I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
DrFee and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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