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Askyourquestion
Askyourquestion, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor
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I allow myself to get too attached to other women even though

Customer Question

I allow myself to get too attached to other women even though I am in a relationship, and in the past this has led to infidelity on my end. I love the woman I am with and am desperately looking for any way to avoid this happening in the future. I am also looking for ways to help build trust again in the relationship as I believe she is the woman I am supposed to spend my life with. Any suggestions or advice?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Good evening, this is Howard,

Yours is an interesting problem. I suggest that when you meet women whom you are attracted to you either 1) avoid them, or if that is not possible, 2) you enlist their aid by telling them that you have a girlfriend whom you love very much and want to marry. Give them your girlfriend's phone number and tell them to call her if you do anything out of line.
That should do the trick!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Any other suggestions? Just handing out her number seems more awkward than anything and it didn't really address how to build trust in the relationship
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I'm not clear on why you need to build trust again. Have you violated your girlfriend's trust by cheating on her with someone else?

Yes, handing out her phone number is XXXXX however, you didn't ask for an easy solution. I don't think there is one!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes I have. I said it in the beginning of my first statement.
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
I am opting out. Someone else will assist you.

Good luck!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
Expert:  Askyourquestion replied 2 years ago.

Hi. I hope that I can help you. It sounds like you really want this current relationship to work for the both of you. I think you show insight when you wrote that you allow yourself to get to attached to other women. Love happens in the head and builds to the heart. How much time do you spend thinking about your current love? I believe most actions follow thoughts. When we make someone the object of our affection we usually have behavior that follows. What behaviors can you think of that would show your love that they are truly that? Relationships are built one thought, one action at a time. Decide to start right know and building a lasting relationship with loving thoughts and loving deeds. It takes a lifetime to build a lifelong relationship. Any thoughts on your end?

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I agree with you that it is a one step at a time process. One problem I am having is that i feel like i'm walking on eggshells with her. I constantly feel guilty and I dont want to bring up anything that is bothering me because I feel like I dont deserve to be mad about it. I also have been putting off getting help because honestly i'm embarassed to sit down with someone and have to admit all of this, which is why I am trying this out online first. I also feel like she doesn't trust me about anything I say, and justifiably so. This causes me to just give up sometimes and become disheartened about whether or not we can ever have a happy relationship again with trust. I worry it wont happen. She seems to shut down sometimes and I feel incredibly guilty knowing it's my fault and I don't want to see her like that.
Expert:  Askyourquestion replied 2 years ago.

How long have you been together and when was the last time you cheated on her? Do you think you both have resolved the past infidelity?

I think because you are having problems cmmunicating your feelings, couples therapy would give you a safe place to talk about what is happening in your internal world and give her a place to process her feelings too. Forgiveness is allows the beginning of healing

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We have been together for just over three years. It happened about three months ago. I think that I have resolved my issues. She has never been unfaithful. I just want to know if you have any advice for remaining faithful and building trust?
Expert:  Askyourquestion replied 2 years ago.
I can see from you reply that remaining faithful is very important to you. That tells me a lot about your desire for this relationship to work. My best and simplest advice is that trust is built with time, honest communication and action. You need to start talking to each other about what is bothering you in the relationship. I think a counselor would be helpful, if she is willing to go. You can show her how important the success of your relationship is by making the appointment. As for being faithful, love is a commitment. It does not mean that we will not be attracted to other people, but it does mean that we will not act on those chemical and/or raw emotions. Trust means you will keep your commitment to her, no matter what the temptation might be. Your actions will build back the trust over time. I really hope this helps and you will take the lead in repairing your relationship. Good luck and much happiness to you both.
Askyourquestion, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience: Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor
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