Hello, I am concerned for you as your are suicidal. Are you alone?
Are you there, dear?
I am not alone
I am at home, and my husband is at home, but I have 'sequestered' myself in my room...
I have tried SO HARD for decades, to address my debpression,
through medications and psychotherapy
I am so sorry you are so depressed and I know you are tired of trying.
I really feel that my pain needs to end, and those who carry the burden of being with me need to have some relief, as well
Believe me, I do understand how hopeless you feel.
I thought you would give me medical facts, regardless of what I may do with that knowledge...
Well, I will tell you that what is most likely to happen if you take an overdose of some combination of those meds and/or alcohol, you will likely end up in an ER and then be transferred to a psych hospital. You could damage your vital organs, but you probably not die. What you will be doing in giving yourself a severe setback, an unpleasant hospitalization, health problems. And of course, you will be hurting those who love you as they will have to deal with all of this. And if your were to be successful in taking your life, which is highly unlikely, you will be hurting those you love in the worst way you possible could.
Are you being treated for Clinical Depression? Have you ever been evaluated for Bi-Polar Depression?
Of course you don't know my specific circumstances, but I truly believe that those around me would be relieved, just as I would be.
Yes, I have had many clients who have said the same thing.
I am wondering if you have possibly been misdiagnosed.
I am being treated for depression; I see a pyschiatrist for med management and psychotherapy. I have seen multiple psychiatrists and psychologists over the years (just due to insurance changes, etc), and I have never been diagnosed as bipolar. They have definitely asked the pertinent questions.
Maybe your clients who said the same thing were right - sometimes being close to a severely depressed individual is just too much.
No dear, I have also worked with many clients who have lost loved ones to suicide. It is a trauma and wound from which they never truly recover. It also leaves them much more prone to suicide themselves. Do you have children?
No, I do not have children. This is one of the things that adds to my sadness. My doctor tells me that I cannot have a biological child of my own. But I work with children.
Oh, I know that sadness myself. What kind of work do you do?
How long can one go without food?
I am a Speech-Language Pathologist at a school.
Weeks. That is very meaningful work.
Do you ever have periods when you feel better?
How long would that take? Is it painful?
I don't know, dear.
I have had a few periods when I feel better, but they are rapidly becoming fewer and farther between.
This make me wonder about Bi-Polar Depression. If you have this, taking anti-depressants only make it worse and worse to the point of being suicidal.
This is a common misdiagnosis, unfortunately.
But I don't feel that I have times of manic feelings, ever.
You don't have to have those to have Bi-Polar Depression. Those are called Hypermanic states and people with Bi-Polar Depression only have Hypomania, which sometimes is just feeling a little bit better.
Also, I have know people with bi-polar disorder, and I don't feel like what I've been going through (all of my adult life) is similar to what I've seen in them...
I don't know how much more experimenting with meds I can handle!
I asked my doctor a few months ago about ECT - he said we could discuss that later.
I know. But I will tell you that if you are Bi-PD, it is very effectively treated with mood stabilizers and sometime anti-psychotic meds. Most people feel better immediately upon beginning the medication.
Do you have confidence in your psychiatrist?
Yes, I do. I haven't been seeing him for very long, but I do have confidence in him. He has not mentioned bi-polar as a possibilty.
Will you call him tomorrow and tell him how you are feeling and request an emergency appt.?
I have an appt scheduled with him for Fri.
Good. I want you to keep that appt. When you see him talk with him about the possibility of Bi-Polar Depression. Will you do this?
I will. How do I make it from now until then?
Good. Can you talk with your husband?
I usually could, but we had a fight this evening
Oh, I see. So no wonder you are so down. Do you think you could go to him and talk now?
I don't think I can talk to him at least until after work tomorrow... I feel vey loney. I just want to sleep... If I could jusr slip away in the night, that would be such a relief.
I know. Are you prescribed something for sleep?
Is this what the Lorazepam is for?
I take Trazodone for sleep, plus, the Remeron makes me very sleepy, though of course its purpose is as an antidepressant. The Lorazepam is for when I feel acute anxiety - it is not prescribed by my doctor. I also take Venlafaxine during the day.
Okay. I want you to take your medications for the evening, take a hot bath and go to bed. Then tomorrow after work talk with your husband. You might even discuss the Bi-P Depression possibity with him. I you need me between now and your appt on Friday, just put "Ask Eleanor" in front of your question and I will respond. I am not on site all the time but will respond asap. Will you do this?
I don't want to do this anymore :-( My husband and I have discussed so many possibilities, I feel like he has kind of built up a sort of resistance to all of these discussions. But I will try. Perhaps I will take some time off of work this week. I will try to muster some hope until Friday, and and talk to my husband if I can in the meantime.
Do you EVER believe that leaving this world may be the best decision for dome people??
No, I don't believe that. I believe there is always hope even at the most hopeless times in our lives. Good that you will hang on til Friday. Let me know if you need me again in the meantime. I am leaving the site for the evening in a moment. Anything further for me tonight?
No. Thank you for all of your support.
You are so welcome, dear. It has been my pleasure to help. Please remember to click on the green accept button so that I will receive credit for my professional time and responses. Get a good night's sleep and take care of yourself, Eleanor
When I try to click the green accept button, it says you have not finished your response to me.... I don't want your time to go unacknowledged...
Hi, thank you for being so considerate. Try once more to accept. Thanks!