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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you.
I am here to support y.
I am sorry to know you have been facing these painful feelings.
For how long have you been married and how long ago did you start feeling this way?
First I just to make sure I understand your situation in the right way.
You are stating that this is not about your husband being too judgmental or pushy, criticizing you all the time and comparing you to his ex-wife but more a subjective experience associating everything to yoru fears about his past marriage and family, right?
I see, then what you are depicting here talks a bout a sensitive man who truly attached to his family, fuled high expectations about it and was having a very hard time grieving and coming to terms with the fact it ended.
Does he say things like that often and do you see he is being to demanding and pushy about you , expecting too much from you?
I see, thank you.
Then it seems that indeed this is a very subjective experience based also on a very sensitive area in you, getting easily triggered and overreacting to simple no-malicious comments or statements he does.
Oh, then besides that it is also true that he could be expecting too much or not acknowledging everything you do and how much effort you put on things, what fueld your frustration and fears.
Does he works as much and as hard as you do or even more?
Apparently it is both, your fears and insecurities base don his high attachment to his past marriage and family and his lack of satisfaction and demanding more attitude what feeds this issue.
Based on your words here and the feelings they express, I would say that you need to work on yourself and core fears behind this behaviors in order to be able to eradicate them and improve the way you feel and share in your marriage.
Professional individual counselings the best resource for people to work at this level.
I believe it is the presence of both group of issues what lead to present situation, that's why it is wise to consider individual counseling to work on the personal level and then marriage counseling to promote further closeness, openness, intimacy and understanding in mutual ways between you.
You're very welcome.