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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hello Kate=================

Customer Question

Hello Kate=================
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Good quote!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey Kate,

new thread at last, it always feels so strange. Goodness, your post last night got me thinking about my hanging baskets too, there are no nice flowers to cheer the decking, and the wall baskets are full of weeds- it's high time they were dealt with. I'm sure we couldn't grow peach trees in our yard, they would need a greenhouse or conservatory. Do they grow dwarf peaches that are edible? :)

Today didn't really go my way, I almost considered staying at home, but I couldn't do that to Poppy. There was no telling D that he couldn't come, Sam and Poppy's bf came along too. There was nearly a row before we left- I got in to drive, D came out of the house, said I'm driving, I got out, the kids said, NO, we want mum to drive (I'm the better driver, and D nearly killed us all on that stretch of motorway 3 years ago), so I got back in, D really upset with everyone, said he'll drive home then!! Phew.

Kate, I just find it so hard to tolerate his presence, he's coming along with us all, invited or not (Not), but I don't feel he belongs with us anymore, the whole journey up my mind was wondering how WE had ever come to be, we are poles apart, and now he is very comfortable thank you very much, and he is in his little 'bubble' as he drunkenly puts it, the kids are spoilt (we hear 'when I was a kid......') I struggled with the drive up, him sitting beside me, then we had pizzas when we arrived at the Mall, which was great, but I hated the feelings of annoyance every time he said something. The shopping was hard work, to begin with D was insisting we all stayed together, 2 cousins from Bristol had joined us, can you imagine, me and Poppy, then 5 male following us around, then wanting to see things for themselves!?! Poppy and I snuck off on our own (mobile contact with Sam), and looked in every shop. She is not easy to please when shopping, very particular, VERY. We met up again with her bf, and managed to find one or two things that she liked. She told me over and over (I'm with her....) I love clothes, but I hate shopping! Sam was more successful than she was! Hey ho.

D got us home safely. All the way home I was thinking about filing for divorce, there is nothing whatsoever to rekindle, I think the marriage was dead before it even began and I have just borne it without the grin!! (lol!) I am mad at myself for being swept along, and not really listening to my head, which was saying no, no, no... Anyway, I'm going to write to my attorney again this weekend, and ask him if I can go straight in with a divorce application, or do I need to d/w it with D, and do I need his agreement. I've actually asked Claire (UK Law) a question on JA to that effect, so I shall see what she says too. And I might do a bit of googling too. Do you REALLY really think it's OK for me to go for what I want?

I've found the local Domestic Violence and Abuse Service website which has all the local contacts, and photos of all the staff and outreach workers. I'll (maybe, not good at pushing my needs.... as you know) email them too.

I'm still trying to register with dailystrength, I don't know why I can't complete the registration process, but I will explore it further whether registered or not, I guess I just can't post. But I'll let you know how I get on.

Back later,

Rose
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi :)

I've registered with Daily Strength, at last, lots to see, read, so much! I've just been reading about healing my inner child, and about EFT. What do you think of it? I haven't found out how it works, or who 'does' it, just seen a short video about it.

Time for sleep.

Goodnight Kate

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Rose,

 

Dwarf peach trees grow some wonderful peaches! I had one before but because I had to fix my front sidewalk, it had to be cut down :( I was very sad about that for a long time. But I had three seasons with it and I was able to pick enough juicy peaches to make delicious peach jam. I had so much I gave it away to neighbors. A great problem to have!

 

I agree with you, you and Dave are worlds apart. You may have attracted each other in the beginning because of how you felt about yourself. You felt you deserved how he treated you. But now that you have grown so much you no longer see why you were with him. I can see the change in you and it's amazing. Your confidence is way up, you are more sure of yourself and you take action now when before you may have not. You have grown so far apart from Dave that you two have become strangers.

 

On the other hand, Dave is still in the same place he always has been. He still thinks the same way and acts the same way, not realizing that you are completely different now. That shows that his focus is only on himself and not anyone else. If I notice a change in you just talking with you here, he lives with you and sees you all the time. He should notice that you have changed. But he has not. That says a lot about where his thoughts are. On himself.

 

I hope your attorney is able to get something going soon. It has to be hard for you to wait like this.

 

I would not normally recommend divorce to people I see in therapy. The best option is usually to try to work it out. But in cases of abuse and infidelity, separation and/or divorce is the best option. It's even more of imperative if there are children involved. The damage that abuse can do is lifelong. You are making the right choice, Rose. Your safety and the safety of the kids is priority. Dave's feelings are not. And after talking with you about the things you have been through with him, I could not be more sure that you need to protect yourself and the kids.

 

I have read about EFT but it is not something I practice. From what I can tell, it is based on alternative medicine. So far, the studies done on it have shown that benefits from this type of therapy are mostly based on placebo effects. So at this point, there is not enough reason to use it in place of traditional therapy.

 

Sleep well, Rose!

 

Katex

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey Kate,
I've moved this post over to my next thread.
The blue butterfly just keeps coming back!!
Rose :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Awwww, he is so sweet! I'm glad the butterfly keeps coming back ;)

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