You are not bugging me at all. I love talking with you, Shay.
I think part of what you are feeling is from what you went through with the EMDR experience and part of it is facing the feelings from what happened to you. Just thinking about both is going to make you feel nervous.
Keep in mind that you have already faced the assault and survived it. You have the feelings already inside you and there is not going to be any surprise when you face them. You have faced a good portion of them and if there is anything you have not dealt with yet, you are doing it in a safe and secure environment when you deal with them. Linda is very aware of how the EMDR affected you and she is going to be much more aware of what you need in therapy this time. You will be covering what was missed when you had the EMDR done so this time you will have your safe place, Linda will know when to connect with you and what to look for in your responses, and you will be able to stop the therapy session at any time. The EMDR did not allow for any of those things. Neither you or Linda was prepared. You didn't have anything set up and there was no trigger for helping you through the tough spots. Linda didn't recognize the signs of your distress and you did not have a connection with her to tell her about it.
Plus, the EMDR is a whole different type of therapy. It is not traditional, around for years and tested through. Many therapists have reservations about using it because of those reasons and because they feel the results are not worth the risks. When you did the EMDR, that is what you were facing. Traditional therapy is not like that. It is not going to take you to a place you don't want to go, not without your being fully aware of it and being able to stop your progress.
Do your best tonight to think about how safe you will be. Therapy can be scary because you are facing your feelings, which you have worked very hard to repress. But you will find that facing them takes away their power over you and you will feel better. Relax as much as possible, keep the communication open between you and Linda, and take it one step at a time. I will also pray for you tonight that all goes well and you get a lot out of your session.
I'll be here tomorrow at my usual time (barring any issues) so we can talk if you want to.
I hope it was helpful. Let me know if you need to talk more about it. After what you have been through lately with the EMDR and your relationship with Linda, it's been very stressful. It may be adding to how you are feeling about tonight. It can help to just talk and get it off your chest.
Talk to you soon,Kate
Your probably right. Getting set up with the ground rules and all that will take a while. Linda is going to want to be sure to be clear with what you need so she may spend extra time going over it.
It's normal that you feel anxious. Therapy is not easy and a lot of people avoid it because of the possibility of facing issues like you are doing. But your desire to get better is not going to let you sit back and let this go. Just keep in mind that you will be safe. You may not like how you feel, but you are safe.
I'm sorry you didn't sleep well. It's hard to relax when you have so much on your mind. It's hard to focus when you are so tired, I know. You should sleep much better tonight, once you and Linda have a chance to talk.
Talk to you later,