Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hey, I think I'm answering out of order....
No worries about the quotes:
"Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in their enchanted place on top of the forest, a little bear will always be waiting."
Whenever you feel ready....
You're welcome! You seem perfectly clear about how you feel about Dave and what he has done. Yes, he may think you are soft and wrote his letter with that in mind, but I think he is dealing with a completely different Rose than he is used to and just doesn't know it yet. You are certain of what he has done, what he will do if he stays and how you feel about him. No matter what he has said or done since getting the letter, you have come back at him with a stronger feeling and argument for him leaving. Flowers, cards, letters and promises have not broken through your reserve. Rose, I truly think you have won and you are well on your way to freedom. I'm sure this is something you would have rather not have had to battle to win. But through all the horrible abuse and problems, you have pushed through and gained what you only dreamt about last year. Way to go!I understand why you are tired. This has been incredibly stressful. You may not realize how much you have been through because you are so used to the heightened stress level in your life with Dave there and all the other stresses you have. Once this is over and Dave is out, you may find that you just want to rest all the time. That is ok. And even now, resting as much as you can is so important. He is still in the home, but you have gotten over the hard part with letting him know where you stand. You had mentioned a possible getaway with the kids. Maybe you could think about doing that once Dave is gone. Just a short time even so you and the kids have some time to reconnect, talk about how you all feel and enjoy yourselves. I hope all goes well tomorrow for you. And if you feel up to it, let me know about what happens with K. I'm sorry that things had to go this way for the two of you. I'll be thinking of you.Good night, Rose (Piglet :) )Katex
PS I just got your second post. I had no idea that Psyche meant that in Greek! Your story was so beautiful. Fold your wings for now, Rose, ready to soar on the air tomorrow :))
Rose, it sounds like you all have gotten a lot of rain! Man, we already have droughts here in certain spots and summer has not even started.
Yum, carrot cake! I'd eat it all the time if I could. Yes, we do have Philadelphia cream cheese here in the U.S. in abundance! I use it, though not often because it's so good to eat I wouldn't stop :)
It's Poppy's birthday tomorrow? How old will she be?
I believe that you are not turning back! Wow, Rose, you have grown so much in the past few weeks that I'm overwhelmed. Whatever caused you to feel the need to move forward on this has really taken you far and is not leaving any time soon.
You made many good points about your reasoning behind needing to move on from your relationship with K- but the most important point was that her feelings from her past were interfering with you getting where you needed to go. You cannot continue treatment when the therapist cannot stay objective. It just won't work and it can do more harm than good. That does not mean that you won't mourn the loss and feel hurt about it. You made a very tough choice and I think you need to realize that you did something extraordinary when you recognized what was going on with K. She cannot do these things in your life for you, you have to be strengthened by therapy enough that you do them yourself. That is the whole point. K knew that too.
Even now, with saying good bye it is hard because of the involvement. But it is very understandable. She was like a good friend to you and helped you a lot. Being aware of the boundaries is going to be hard. But you are sure now of what is good for you, and both you and K know that therapy was not working. K understands how you feel. Maybe you could spend some time clarifying what you feel so you both can make a proper goodbye with each other. After a short time, K is ethically allowed to contact you so you may also want to see if that is possible, so this will not be a permanent goodbye.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this loss.
Let me know how your session goes if you have time.
It sounds like the issues with K, her pushing you and transferring her feelings, made you see that there was little left in you to put up a fight to stay with Dave. I think that you did have it in you to get Dave out, always have, but you needed a trigger to get you to erupt like a volcano, as you put it so well! And the issues with K were like a match to the fire (to use another example) to help you take action.
K must mean a lot to you for her feelings to affect you that much. That, plus the pressure of the marriage, your work and all the other things in your life came together last weekend. As I've said, you do not realize how much stress you are under. You have lived with the abuse for so long that there was not much more you could take. And you had tried everything in the world to keep the marriage going. You have given more excuses than anyone deserves to Dave for him to fix himself and deal with his issues. Not once did he take you up on it.
I agree with you, Dave will keep trying, thinking he is going to get back with you if he just does a few things that please you. This only shows that he knows what needs done in the marriage, but he won't sustain it because it always reverts back to him and his needs.
I think you will be fine. You will not change your mind. And even if you falter a bit, you have people to talk to and ways to bolster yourself up and get back on track. And you have the kids' support, which you won't go back on. It is too important to get them out now.
Let me know what happens with K and your sessions with Adele. I hope you are able to continue with Adele as long as you need to.
It sounds like you and K really worked through a lot of your history and current relationship. That is great! And you figured out what you need right now and let K know. That is what is important. I agree, support is vital now as you work through the separation.
Happy Birthday to Poppy! Fourteen, wow. It's amazing how fast they grow up. You have a delightful birthday planned for her perfect for a teenage girl!
Good night, Rose. Sleep well.