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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Customer Question

Hi Kate...............................................
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

My turn:

 

"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears."

 

~John Vance Cheney

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate,

your quote is wonderful, it filled my eyes, and curled my lips, so touching. Thank you

I have taken a big breath today, and looked after myself a little this morning. I coloured my hair and had a long hot shower- it's not often I run out of hot water!! Your words 'you did it' are still ringing in my mind's ears, and the smiles keep coming!!

I have written to my attorney to tell him where I am with things, how the SW visit went etc, and I have sent him a copy of the SW email just to keep him in the picture. I have asked him what the next stage is, I imagine filing for divorce, or an appointment with the mediators. D hasn't passed comment today, and we have talked freely for a few minutes at lunchtime about his gig last night, but no other mention of the letter.

I am mighty tired, just come in from seeing to the ponies in the most awful weather. Lola has had a long game of frisbee through the open porch door, she doesn't mind how wet, windy or cold it is, but now she is drying off on a towel beside me, smelling like a 'wet dawg!!' So now I need a rest. Just a few tears today, getting better!

Til later

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It's great that you got some time for yourself this morning. It sounds like you have symbolically put on a "new you". I know that at our age we typically do some coloring (wink, wink), but choosing this morning to do so is interesting. It's making a change, with yourself while you are making one outside of yourself. And showering for a long time can be shedding off the old you in favor of your new freedom- a clean start.

 

I think if your attorney knows the whole story, it makes it easier for him to make more informed suggestions for you. Hopefully, the next stage will get Dave out of the home and moving on. Are you interested in shared custody with him? I imagine that with the abuse, it will be tricky to decide what to do. Also, do you feel you will need a restraining order? So far, you have not mentioned Dave acting out so that is a good sign. But if he does actually have to leave the home, he may resort to violence to try and force you to let him stay.

 

It is interesting too that Dave is ignoring the letter. I am curious to see if that ends up being his response to it. A kind of "If I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist" reaction, which would fit his past actions. If he does choose to ignore it, what do you feel your next action might be? Do you feel telling him a date that he has to be out by might work? Or do you feel that is too dangerous? Part of this is going to be to plan for any possible violence. He may be thinking that there is no way you can force him out. And if he is going down that path, you may need to plan for it with your attorney.

 

This all has probably taken a big toll on you emotionally and physically. Just your last week alone was a lot! Downtime is the prescription. Get as much as you can. Sleep, eat well and relax. You deserve it!

 

Talk with you later,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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