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I think Linda will probably ask you about both. If she does what I would do, she will listen to your story, stop you when you get to a significant point (it's all significant, but something that can be looked at closer), and ask you about your feelings back when it happened. Then she will work on the issue based on how you feel about it in present day. The idea behind this is to take something you felt back then (and may still feel) and see why you felt that way and the reasoning behind it. Then she will help you see it in a different light and provide you with the support and other needs you did not have when it originally happened.
For example: You talk about the bad guy's voice. Say it made you feel agitated to hear it. If I was working with you, I would stop you as you described the voice. I would ask you how you felt about it then. Then I would ask how you feel about it now. If it was still affecting you enough to bother you, then we would work together to find out why and what we could change about it to make you feel better. You won't be able to erase your reaction to the voice back then, but you would have a different perspective when you think about it now. And we would also give you the coping mechanisms to deal with any reminders of the voice (triggers) and any associated feelings.
You can see by the example why Linda feels this is going to take a few sessions! But it is worth the time because it means that you will come away with a different perspective on what happened to you.
Linda may handle this a bit differently than I would since every therapist has their own way and feeling about what works. But that doesn't mean it will be any less effective. It actually might be more effective if she tailors it to what she knows about you and your needs.
I hope you are enjoying your weekend! You are in my thoughts.
You cannot change what happened to you, no one can. But you can change your perspective. And perspective is different for everyone, and it's affected by background, trauma, personality and other influences. People often see something that happened to them in an unhealthy way because of that. The key with going over your trauma is to change to see it in a healthy way. Your example is perfect. You may not change anything about the voice, but you may see it in a way that bothers you less and that you can cope with better.
I'm sorry that your massage ended in a headache. A good experience followed by a bad one. Do you think you would go again for a massage based on your experience (before the headache :) )
Banjos are cool. I enjoy listening to them. There is a new country song out by Rascal Flatts, I think, called Banjo. I don't know if you like country music, but it's a good song.
Yes, I have discovered the same thing, Walmart is cheaper! But the store is always so jammed that makes it hard to go. I usually try early mornings or later in the evening. It's better then.
It's good that you are taking a break from church. You could use the downtime. For a while there, you weren't getting any time at all. I think the rest will help you feel you can cope better with what you are going through.
I don't think you will react the same on Monday in therapy that you did with the EMDR. I have never heard of anyone reacting the same so I highly doubt it. Therapy is much more straight forward, with time to think and take a break if you need to. Just tell Linda you want to take it slow. And if you need to, leave for a few moments if you feel overwhelmed. There is nothing wrong with that.
I am glad that the massages work for you. You do suffer with a lot of headaches and if that helps, you should go as often as possible!
As you go over your story, talking about the different parts and how you feel related to them is vital. Otherwise, telling your story over again is just re traumatizing you because you are stuck with the feelings you had back then. But by talking about it and looking at each section of it, you can work with the past feelings and change them, as I described before. That is what will help you move on from this. Like I mentioned, you won't forget about it, but you will see it from a different perspective.
Take the feeling list with you. It will help you when you feel stuck. When you have been out of touch with your feelings for so long, your natural instinct is going to be to shut down or become defensive when you talk about something that bothers you. By having the feeling list there, you can pull yourself out of that quicker.
I think it's a great idea to have Linda be more confrontive with you during therapy. Like you said, you benefit much more when you are not allowed to withdrawal or be defensive when you confront your feelings. You need it laid on the line and that is a good thing. You know what works for you. Telling Linda that is important. Making it part of the agreement will help you both keep up with it and be sure it happens. And you both will be on the same page with it if it is discussed first thing. That helps with any possible miscommunication.
It's good that you have felt so productive this week. I agree, it is probably a combination of things going on in your life. But I know you were concerned with being behind in your work and not feeling up to doing what you needed to do.
How did it feel talking with your parents? Do you feel any differently with them with what you have been working on in therapy?