Hi Shay! It's good to talk with you.
Sounds like an interesting appointment. You covered a lot of intense issues. What kinds of things did you get into? How did you feel about what you worked on?
It sounds like you and Linda talked about some of the deeper issues you have been dealing with. But what I was impressed with after reading your post is how you did not talk about your feelings, at least in your post. It would be surprising if talking about the bottle and your feeling that you participated in the attack would not have brought out a lot of feelings for you. Both of those topics were very important to you when we have talked about this before. You may have shared your feelings with Linda, but I could not tell from your post.
You also mentioned that things are feeling stagnant for you now. That is usually a sign that either you have some resistance to the therapeutic process (a good sign!) or that you have some unresolved feelings about something in therapy.
It can also be about feeling depressed. But you did not mention feeling depressed today and your session with Linda seemed to go well. And she would have mentioned it as well if you seemed depressed.
It also can be due to some of the issues you are working on. When someone has dealt with a trauma for as long as you have, you can become used to living with it. The feelings you have and even the symptoms can become part of how you function. Even though you want to change and feel better, you can be fearful of letting go of the past. Sometimes holding onto the past can be comforting, even if it's about something bad. Change can be frightening and it's easier to deal with "the devil you know" rather than risk putting yourself out there and getting hurt, even if putting yourself out there can mean you get better.
Stagnation can also mean that you are fearful. The process of therapy can bring out a lot of feelings and with those feelings comes vulnerability. If your defenses have included moving away from your feelings, then suddenly dealing with a lot of them at the same time can trigger you to shut down.
What do you feel about it?