I've been with my fiance for 4.5 years, we are both 49years old, I would define our relationship (until recently) as blissful. In 4.5 years we had 9 total fights over the same issue; her drug addicted stay at home 24 year old son! After our last fight which happened on the 16th of April she told me she needed space! I moved out and I have not called, texted or e-mailed her. I am waiting for her to call. I like her as a friend, I care for her I admire who she is. But I feel like she does not have the same care towards me, she has to know that I am suffering. A friend told me that she was still wearing the engagement ring. What should I do? I want her but at the same time if she is indifferent to my needs and is disrespectful I will leave her. I am confused. The adult child is manipulating her constantly. . .
Person's Gender: Male
Person's Age: 49
Before we separated I attempted to have dialogue with her; she refused to engage in conversation. More info: Her other kids (30 and 26) are also drug users and they used to come to the house to get their drugs from the 24yo, that is until I found out. I threatened them with calling the police and made them take all drugs and related stuff out of the house. My fiance is in denial about her youngest son being a drug addict. He is ruining my relationship with her.
Good afternoon, this is Howard,I'm sorry to hear about this unfortunate situation. My impression is that your fiancé has a greater commitment to her drug addicted son then she has to you. Supporting evidence for this conclusion is that she asked you to move out, rather than asking her son to do the same. I think that you are right when you say that she does not have the same care for you as she does towards her son. Given that the situation has been ongoing for many years, I think it's reasonable to expect that it will not change. If there is some way that you can accept being treated in this fashion by your fiancé, and be happy with that, then you should consider continuing in this relationship. If that's not the case, you may want to consider ending your engagement.Please feel free to post a follow-up question if you like.
Your answer, altough painfull, crystalizes things for me. With my support she made her son move out in mid Jan, he does not live there anymore. The only reason I am "hanging on" is because I know she is in a difficult situation and she is still wearing the engagement ring on her finger. I do not want to geve up on her, just because things are bad, if she takes the ring off then I will leave her. Whywould she wear the ring? Is my thinking flawed? Please advise
Thank you for the additional information.Unfortunately, an engagement ring on your fiancé's finger does not change anything other than to make her finger look more elegant! It's possible that she wears the ring because she thinks it's beautiful and she likes to wear jewelry. Please don't be offended when I tell you that I do believe your thinking is flawed, after all, you did want me to tell you the truth.
Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.