How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello, My mother is extreme. She is extremely clingy and

Resolved Question:

Hello,

My mother is extreme. She is extremely clingy and controlling and wants everything her way and if it isnt her way she has "tempertantrums". She is inflexible. She also view the world and people around her in a negative light. She has said that she is perfect and and angel and everyone else is beneath her.

She has also said that I am her world.

----

On Saturday I decided to move out the house and live on my own because of her and her negativity, screaming, and degrading of the whole family (including my father and 10-year-old brother). I told my mother sweetly that I am moving out (only 15 mins away) and that I will visit her on the weekends. She tried to convince me otherwise but when she realized I was firm on my decision she started to go ballistic.

She deadbolt the door so I couldnt pick up my things. She called and left 27 nasty threatening messages (not threatening bodily harm). She has been calling non stop since 3:44 AM in the morning for the last 3 days. Today is the first day that she has not called as much and I think she is calming down.

She also kicked my father out of the house for the last three days stating to him that it was his fault that I left.

She is very manipulative and no matter what a person says she can twist the words ot her favor.

ie: Mom: Do you think your father drinks too much.
Me: No.
Mom: When does he drinks?
Me: Only during parties and special occasions.
---later that day---
Mom (yelling): You are a DRUNK!
Dad: What?!
Mom (still yelling): Even your daughter thinks so!

My mom also thinks that everything she says or does is right and plays the victim card all the time. Whenever she is upset with someone she brings up things that are untrue forgetting all the benifical things a person has done.

ie:
Mom (yelling): You never help me at all. You are a cruel child!
Me: I just paid for your computer classes cause you said you wanted to learn about the computer. What are you talking about?
Mom (yelling): You are a cruel child!

My mom also doesnt seem to have empathy and is extremely selfish.

There are so much more things as well but I think I wrote so much so far.

I think she has a mental illness but I don't know what I can do so she can get help.

Also, she is super happy when everything goes her way but if something does she freaks out big time.

Thanks again!

I live in NJ by the way.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

I agree, from your description it sounds like your mother does have mental health diagnosis, specifically a personality disorder.

 

A personality disorder is characterized by someone who see the world in a different way than most people. They have traits and characteristics that were developed at a very young age, probably to cope with abuse or trauma inflicted on them as a child. Children need to have their needs met and when they live with abuse or trauma, they cannot get them met in a normal way. So they change their behavior in order to try to get their needs met. It usually does not work, but by then they have adapted to the new way of seeing the world.

 

Your mother tries to blame others and control other people because she knows no other way. She cannot relate normally to get what she wants. In the meanwhile, you cannot get her to see her behavior is harmful to others because she has no insight into her own behavior. She only sees everything from her own perspective.

 

People with personality disorders are difficult to treat because they lack the insight to see what they are doing is harmful and therefore, have no desire to change. So getting them to see a therapist or get help in anyway is usually difficult at best.

 

You and your family can try asking your mother to see her doctor. Or if she goes for regular visits you can call the doctor ahead of time and let them know about what your mother is doing. Sometimes a person will listen to their doctor over their own family members.

 

Also, learn what you can about personality disorders. The more you know, the more information you will have to relate to your mother and possibly help her. Here are some resources to help you:

 

http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders

 

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/personality-disorders/DS00562

 

http://outofthefog.net/

 

Also, consider counseling for yourself and your family. Dealing with a family member with a mental health diagnosis can be very stressful. Your doctor can refer you to a therapist in your area or you can call the United Way for clinics in your area.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

She wont listen is there anyway to force her to do something or am I out of luck?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Unfortunately, due to the law, you cannot force someone into treatment unless they intend on hurting themselves or someone else. Otherwise, the law protects your mother's right to act any way she wishes. But getting the doctor to intervene and learning more about personality disorders can help enormously in how you cope with your mother. I know it's frustrating and stressful. Many people with family members with emotional issues feel as you do. You may want to try www.nami.org for support with other families experiencing the same thing you are.

 

Kate

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education