Good evening... I hope to be of some assistance to you this evening. It sounds as if you have valid concerns about the state of your marriage and are feeling somewhat confused and powerless to resolve the situation. I am sorry that this is the case for you right now.
I am wondering if you plan to continue with the counseling? Is your wife open to this idea? Does she seem interested in repairing the marriage, or more resigned to it staying as it is or ending it altogether? And, how do you see it in terms of your view? Is is worth saving, in your opinion?
In cases like these, it is tough to accept that someone we thought we knew well has had a whole separate thought process going on while we trusted that we were on the same page. It is very distressing. And to not know where the relationship really stands or what the future will bring is a very tough position to be in.
I see that you are offline; my best answer to you at this moment is to focus on you. Take the spotlight off of what she has or hasn't done, and focus on you and on what would be comforting to you. Get through tonight, and then tomorrow... one day at a time. Talk it over with those who love you and try your best to stay calm and to keep things stable for yourself and the children while you attempt to figure out where things are heading with your wife. You cannot control anyone but yourself, so take very good care of yourself right now. I will check back to see if you have anything further to share... until then, take good care of yourself!