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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate. Appointment with Linda went okay. She wants me to

Customer Question

Hi Kate. Appointment with Linda went okay. She wants me to do some "self nurturing" work. Made me feel more pathetic. I'm not feeling very happy now.

I told her about the whole thing I was thinking about the expectation that I take responsibility for everything that happens relative to me. She thought that was a goo insight as to the self blame, but she seemed confused about its relation to my trust issues. In fact, she seemed confused that I had trust issues. maybe I misread her.

She was also saying that there were some lessons I got from what happened that only applied for that, and don't apply to my life. Like the message that I am powerless and that I am unprotected.

She also said she thinks I like myself in general and have a pretty decent life I'm happy with, but this is just a rough patch.

She said she thought now that I don't have to go to choir and praise team on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and Sundays, taking. Break from church and not being around people for a while may be a good idea. she said that maybe I can take a step towards just taking care of myself like she told me to do before but I didnt do. She said she is very pleased that I'm going back to my old firm, since I think it will reduce my stress.

I agree.

But I'm more depressed than when I went.

I did talk to my brother tonight, which was nice. It's his birthday today.

Talk to you later.

S

PS - I just looked up "self nurturing" and that's not what she was talkin about. She was talking about inner child stuff, and just called it self nurturing. Doesn't make any difference what it's called to me, but I wanted to be clear what she wants me to do.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Shay,

 

Linda was probably talking about the same thing you and I talked about a few weeks back with the inner child work. What about doing that makes you feel unhappy?

 

It seems like the two of you touched on most of what you wanted to talk about so what about the session made you feel depressed? Was it an expectation you had of the session or were you looking for Linda to respond in a different way?

 

Do you feel there are some unresolved feelings about your conflict a few weeks ago that you need to talk about?

 

Happy (belated) birthday to your brother!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Explaining it will make me feel more pathetic.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Really? How so?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Because explaining it will just hit it home even more. No sense in explaining it. I already know what you will say.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Ok, that is fine.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Shay,

 

Are you doing alright? I didn't hear back from you and wanted to check in to see if you just didn't want to talk today or if something is wrong.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I'm fine. I had some back-to-back meetings this morning . And anyway, I didn't know what to say. Just in a funk since last evening.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing fine. If you want to talk about how you feel about last night, I'm here. Even if you feel you know what I will say, talking it out can help to lift your mood. But if you need a break, I understand.

 

Kate

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't know what I need. I am just really hurt right now.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Was it something about the session that bothered you? Or do you feel it is what we talked about yesterday?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No - it was the session. I just feel like Linda might as well have just said "you are unloveable. the only person that is going to love you is yourself."
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

What did she say that made you feel that way?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

It's not what she said, exactly, it's just how I felt about the whole thing. She had me think back to when I was, like, 10, and come up with nurturing things I would have like to have heard back then. She told me to just sit and say these things over and over to myself each night. She said "these were things you needed to hear, but didn't, and still aren't going to hear." One of the things - which she came up with - was that I needed someone on my side. She told me I could probably get my parents to say that - just call them and say "I need you to tell me you're on my side" without explaining anything. What good would that do? Having my parents repeat a random sentence? That's all it would be. And who cares?

I know what she's doing - it's like what you and I discussed. But basically, the message I got was: nobody is going to love me or value me except myself, which makes me feel pathetic.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I see what she was doing. She is trying to get you to nurture yourself which is inner child work.

 

When she tells you to think of nurturing things that you should have heard as a child then say them to yourself, basically she is helping you see that you can approve of and love yourself without your parents doing so. Your parents stepped out on this part of your growing up, not giving you the attention and love you needed. You did end up getting it from others, like your aunts and grandmother, which is very resourceful on your part. But as great as that is, you still needed it from your parents because they were your primary caregivers. The bond between you should have been the strongest of all. Plus, their rejection of you would stay with you regardless unless you could overcome it yourself.

 

The question here is whether or not you feel this is something that you need. Either you feel you don't need it and you really don't, you feel you don't need it but you really do and can't acknowledge it or you do need and know it, but just don't want to feel the pain associated with it.

 

At this point, if you feel that calling your parents to say a meaningless phrase to you won't help, then don't do that. You can tell Linda that you do not feel there is any value to that idea and don't follow through. She'll understand.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok. I don't think I explained myself well enough.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If you want to clarify it, we can try again. I need to be off JA for a short while then I will be back to answer you.

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
That's okay. I don't know how to explain it, and it's just making me feel bad and I need to get work done.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Maybe if you take some time to think it through it may come to you.

 

I'm here if you want to talk.

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate:
I can't think of any other way to explain it. But that's okay. I'm not even going to try to explain it to Linda.

Good news was that C didn't even ask anything yesterday except about me going to my old firm (timing, etc.) and whether I was doing well physically. So that was good.

Totally didn't realize it was admin professionals day today so had to scramble this morning to order Nic and Jamie an edible arrangement. Oops.

Was nice not having to go to praise team practice last night. Was able to work until 8:00 and got a lot done. Trying to catch up little by little.

S
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That's ok Shay.

 

I'm glad to hear that C did not inquire any further about how you are doing. It must be a relief.

 

How are you feeling today?

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
same. tired. a bit depressed.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That's to be expected with what you have been going through.

 

I'm here if you need to talk.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
thanks. But not sure what to talk about. I just simply feel bad.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Ok, when you feel ready.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I do want to talk, but I don't know what to talk about. you could talk :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Well, my role is to be here for you and respond to what you need. As much as I'm sure you'd love to hear me babble :), it's you I'm focused on. Don't force it if you are not ready. You will know when you need to talk.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Okay. I guess I'll talk to you some other time, when perhaps I have more direction. Meanwhile, I hope you're having a good week.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hey, you too. And if you have any symptoms or nightmares, we can work on those. Just let me know.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
okay.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Have a good night! And as much as I'd like to talk with you, no nightmares I hope!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Okay. Goodnight. I'll let you know when/if I have something to talk about. Meanwhile, have a good week.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Good night. (sorry to say it again but the JA system makes me respond to you each time you post- it's annoying I know)

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