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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like between your brother and your ex husband, there is a lot of angry people in your life. It could be that both of them have been talking to your other family members behind your back. That does not mean that your relatives necessarily need to believe them, but if there is a lot of dysfunction in your family, that would explain why every one is choosing to be angry at you without asking you about these things first.
It sounds like you have been very hurt by your family. And it makes sense that you have. No one is talking to you about what is going on, they are accepting your ex's opinion about you when he hurt you during the marriage, and they are making judgments without talking to you first. It is painful when your family does not back you up, especially given what your ex has done to you.
You can certainly write letters to each of them letting them know you are willing to talk with them about whatever grievance they have against you. The only catch with sending these letters is that you should be aware that your relatives could use them to become even more upset with you. When you deal with people who are dysfunctional in their behavior, they often are not able to see something like this as a good gesture. Instead they use it as an excuse for acting out even more. As long as you are aware that they might react by hurting you more, then it's perfectly fine to send the letters. You may want to practice ahead of time what you might say to them. That way, you can prevent getting caught up in any anger they might put on you.
I hope this has helped you,Kate
I appreciate your feedback. I am the youngest child of an alcoholic - my mom. I am the typical "pleaser". I have been the whipping post of the family as long as I can remember. Do you think that it might be healthier for me to just walk away from all this and focus on the loving, life-long friends that I have who bring me joy and provide unconditional love?
Thanks for the additional insight.
It probably would be healthier for you to walk away, but only if you feel you have addressed any feelings you have about resolving this with your family. If you feel you have reached the end of what you can do with them, then walking away is a great option. You do not need to be hurt any more than you already have been. You may also want to consider counseling to help you process what you have been through. It sounds like it has been very difficult and painful. I'm sorry you had to deal with this.