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Wow Rose, you gave Dave the letter! Good for you! And you stood your ground when he tried to blame your fms (and you, really). You are absolutely right in what you said back to him, he is in denial about the truth. He seems to have no insight that he could have such an effect on you with his abusive behavior.
And your response to Sam was right on as well. Sam expressed feeling responsible about what was going on and you told him that his job was to be the kid in the situation and to allow the adults to deal with it. And that is the healthiest role for him to take in this. He should not feel he has to do anything but follow your lead.
It is interesting that when you pointed out to Dave that he ruined your relationship with K, he never took responsibility for it. He just wanted to know why then reverted right to his own point of view that you should find someone in your own country. No acknowledgment of your loss and that he caused it, or that you may wish to see someone who you are happy with and that you may not care what country that is in. Just his own point of view, 24/7. It shows how far apart you both are in your emotional health.
I am so sorry about K. I said that before, I know, but I feel for your loss. It is very hard to let go. She is right though, you are incredibly strong in deciding that the relationship was not working anymore. It takes a lot of insight and healthy emotional awareness to make such a decision. It shows how far you have come since you started in therapy. You have grown so much, Rose. And it's all because you were willing to work and keep pushing ahead.
From what you said, it sounds like K might need some further work on her own issues before she can see others in therapy. What she experienced does happen. Most therapists are advised to see a therapist themselves to be sure what happened to her doesn't occur. But therapists are human and sometimes the past just gets the better of us. Hopefully, she will work it through and the two of you could at least connect as friends in the future.
Give yourself some time to mourn your loss. Your relationship with K was important to you and it will probably make you feel sad and at a loss for a while, until you can adjust. Are you both going to stay in contact for a while? That might make it a bit easier, to ease out of the therapeutic relationship.
I hope you are feeling better. You have really been through it lately. I'm sorry, Rose.
You're welcome, Rose! It is simply the truth.
You were honest with your feelings with K and that is all you can do. What is important here is that you did what you needed to so you could take care of yourself. And you did it with K's feelings in mind. That is exactly what you should do to get your needs met.
You have been more than fair in your discussion with Dave about the letter and the fall out from it. Where he lives after he leaves is really his concern, not yours (a wife supports her husband, huh? I was with you on that one with being confused.) But you took the time to talk with him about it, which is much more than he deserves after what he has done to you and the kids.
Consider as well that Dave should have thought about the consequences of his behavior with you and the kids. He should know that hurting you, bullying the kids and taking over the house along with not contributing to the family would not get him by forever. I think in this case (and this is my assumption) he counted on you accepting his abuse the rest of your life. He probably made many assumptions and did not think anything through.
I do like your comment that Dave should stay with some of his musician friends that "love" him so much. Not to be spiteful but because it is the truth. He said that so many times to you and if it is true, then he should consider it an option for himself. And you were right about his argument regarding not having work. He has just as much chance to find work as you do. You are motivated to go out and find the work, he is not. How many phones calls have you fielded for him for work while he laid in bed, not responding? He could have worked then and kept it going, if he paid attention to his work ethic.
You may want to consider talking to Poppy yourself, though it is completely up to you. But Dave will most likely give her his version, which you may not want her to hear without knowing your side of it, the healthier side of the situation!
It's great that your parents were so wonderful with you! It's one good thing that has come out of your situation (many more to come, no doubt!). I'm surprised about your mom's openness, but I am very glad too. Maybe this is the start of a change for her and a connection between the two of you.
It's just fine that you are taking some time to rest. You have been through so much lately, Rose. Anyone would be exhausted. Emotions can wring it out of you like nothing else. I hope you can treat yourself to some nice downtime (maybe some tea and a nice soak in the bath?) and some good sleep. You did it, Rose. You took a huge step for yourself and for the kids today. You should be proud of yourself :)
Good night, Rose.
You did do it, my friend, you did. You are amazing. I am smiling right now too!
Good night, Rose :) :) :)