I could not agree more with Dr. Seuss! Yes, it will get better. So many people care about you, Rose, me included!
Talk to you soon,
No problem with putting the questions out there when I'm on. I just wanted to let you know that so you can while I'm working on your answer.
I'll send your response soon,
I agree with you that Dave would probably not accept a compromise in your situation. In cases of abuse, it is almost always an all or nothing situation. The nature of abuse, as you know, is control, and for Dave to give that up voluntarily would mean he could not abuse you any longer. He needs to have someplace to put his feelings, as well as someone to support him, and because of that, he would probably not be able to control himself from putting those things on you if he is in the home.
I know it's easy to think of yourself as the bad guy here. It is not only how Dave categorizes you (it's a control tactic to keep you from doing anything to defend yourself), but it is also how you view defending yourself and having rights. But just because Dave uses the label on you to control you does not mean it's true. Do you feel any other woman is a bad guy for having rights in her marriage? What if she doesn't like something and says so? Does that make her a b****, as XXXXX XXXXXkes to refer to you as if you choose to voice your opinion? Why can Dave have opinions, scream and yell, physically hurt the kids and demand he be waited on and not be the opposite of b****? Not to mention the derogatory nature of the word itself. It is a put down, meant to demean, and hurt you so you don't stand up for yourself or the kids. And so he can continue to abuse, freely.
It is ok to be meticulous, as K says. Thinking this all through from every angle before you make a move will help you later when the doubts creep in. You will remember that no matter how you tried to fix this, it could not be fixed. You have tried. You have stayed, talked to Dave, went to counseling, reached out to others in your life and most of all, made the best go of it as you could. And no matter what you have tried or who you have talked to, the answer is always the same. In the long run, that will be good to remember and will help you feel you did the right thing.
I'm glad to hear the kids were willing to help you with the ponies. I hope that will continue so you don't have to shoulder the burden yourself.
Talk to you soon,Kate
You're welcome, Rose. I know it can be a pain to try to open new questions all the time.
Let me know how your email turns out and if she responds.
Enjoy your day tomorrow! I'll talk with you whenever you get back.