I feel all out of sorts bc my account was locked this morning (well, last night), I knew I couldn’t keep on going, they stopped my subscription days ago, I was lucky we could still talk, I wasn’t feeling up to starting a new account, but there comes a time. I’m glad you like my new name, blue for you, papillon for me, I hope one day anyway, but I know I’m not there yet. SO glad you liked the twinkling butterfly, a farewell from purple :)
I’ve kinda lost the thread of what we were talking about, though now I’ve unlocked it I can go back to it. Today seems to have been so long, I wanted to go back to bed when I got up, I just feel like I’ve not had any sleep. i took Poppy to meet Deb then she went on to orchestra while I went shopping for groceries, then visited AA. She is concerning me, but she seems OK. Not really eating, not doing anything except sitting with her cat on her lap, reading her local paper every day, and drinking endless cups of coffee, but otherwise, nothing, no tv, only the occasional walk outside. Her nails are talons, but she won't let me cut them, and they are breaking, jagged and splitting. She insists she will file them. I guess there's no harm in leaving them, I just don't feel like I'm caring fopr her very well. We aren't allowed to cut patient's nails in the hospital, have to leave it up to relatives to do, I understand.
D had just gone out when I came home, so said Sam, just to get fuel and a haircut. I had to go off to get Poppy from town a little later and passed him on his way home, at 3pm. He wasn’t home when I got back, and didn’t come home til after 7, I assume he’d been at the pub all that time, but he wasn’t rolling when he came in. I'd just linked up with K, bad timing, I was just IMing, but couldn't concentrate. He wanted to tell me about a telescope he'd bought at a jumble sale, for 'me', well, for 'us', it cost him £50, but he was very excited. It looks an impressive bit of kit, and I've always been interested in the night sky, but, yaknow, not now...... I feel I shouldn't take an interest in it bc it will make a connection with him, and I feel I'll be going backwards. Tell me I'm being ridiculous...
He was home for an hour, then went back to the pub (I think trying to pretend that he hadn’t already been there- I’m just going to wander down the road for a while!), but I am glad to be left alone. He will be very drunk when he gets in, I hope he just crashes bc Poppy has her bf to stay tonight. The kids are out at a party in the village, Sam just in from work, rushed through a shower and was off! So I’ve been home alone all evening with the dogs. K did
this group therapy thing on Second Life, that took several hours to get to grips with, but we had a chat, and I talked a little to one of her other patients, I was very anxious, but it was OK. I don’t know how much I like it, but I want to try.
I’m so glad to have you nearby, my head is in a bit of a pickle today, worrying about Poppy, the next SW visit, so much going on. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I did and didn’t say to her, and what I could say to make a clearer picture for her, but I am a little scared to give more details in case they say to D about something that I have said and he will know I’ve been talking about him. He will know anyway, but he will be mad. I might ring her on Monday and find out if she will give me her email just so she can fill in the blanks.
Can barely stay awake, this will be old news bc I don’t have a thread going yet, it’ll keep,