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Heidi LPC
Heidi LPC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 278
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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i already know there is no answer for this that i can deal

Customer Question

i already know there is no answer for this that i can deal with. but it has to come out. im a convicted sex offender. i could have fought it and got off. my word against thiers. but i did the right thing for the victums sake. and that brings me to now. when people find out i get alot of hate and anger.a few wanted to put an end to me but my daughter stopped them. told my last girlfriend about it the first day and she said she was ok with it.[ she was so beat down by her ex anything would have been ok] at least till some friends found out about it. she said nothing and was ashamed of me, it was my daughter who stood up to them, i was not there or my problem would have ended there. a couple months ago the girlfriends family which i was very close to and care about, found out and she was so asamed she never came back and took off with my new van, if i try to get it back then im the bad guy again. too ashamed of myself to push to get it back, so ill pay for it, i always pay for it and will pay till i die. no one wants to be with a sex offender. women or men.death is so inviting but i cant hurt my daughter like that, again it is her that saves me. so i sit alone in my depression waiting and wishing for the end of it all. alone, all alone.cant afford "help". no one to talk to. no i will not talk to my life saving daughter, you see, she is my victum, and she will put this on herself for reporting the abuse. so, what now, will never get away from it, cant confront it, did that 14 years ago, but it still comes after me, never ending, till I DIE
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I commend you for coming here and reaching out. It takes a lot of courage for you to do so. I hear your pain and hear the pain of your daughter. You do deserve to have a safe place to discuss all of your feelings and work through them. I know you said you cannot afford treatment, so I would like to suggest you contacting these people here as they are based on a 12 step model and you may find it beneficial to attend their meetings and get support. They may also be able to have some resources for you daughter to get the support she needs as well.

CoachJenK :

The website above has a lot of information on it and so please spend some time looking around and please find a meeting that you can attend.

CoachJenK :

I see that you are offline, but let me know your thoughts and again I commend you for reaching out and your desire to get support and help.


already been to over five and half years of talking about it and help. talking about helps for only a moment in time. peoples attitude towards those like me only get worse over time. [i have seen in them, hear it on tv, and is shown in the law.] so that will never change for the better. the law that informs the public about me will not change, so that will always sending more new anger and hate to me, so that will never get better for me, my last relatonship helped relieve it enough to bear but she left in shame of me, i know you will say there will be another. i dont think so. i took ten years of suprised, disgusted, hateful looks and attitudes to find a beat down lady that would accept me. no one wants to be with an offender. if you think otherwise, just ask you daughter or sister or mother. you will get your answer. the ONLYway out of my pain is....death


suicide is out of the question for my daughter sake but an auto accident or work related accident is worth consideration. just a thought.

Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 4 years ago.
Until Jen comes back, may I just add that I have worked with sex offenders individually and in group. I know and understand how right now you feel shunned and excluded socially in the world. You are internalizing the way the world is looking at your past, and you have the choice to continue to base your quality of life on other's views, or on what you have learned about yourself and others based on your past. If you had a crystal ball, you might be able to predict the future; but, you probably don't.. :-) so, I say stop looking behind you or too far ahead of you, and just be in the now. Focus on doing things now that are comforting, talking to those who do love you, and getting through just one day. Tomorrow may bring a new opportunity that you couldn't ever predict in your wildest dreams. I just want to say hang on, and know that there are those of us in the world who know that people deserve second chances and aren't scared away from this title you are defining yourself by. You are more than a sex offender; you are more than just your mistakes in life, provided you have learned from them and will never make those choices again. You can choose to share your lessons with others in a group, in writings, etc... and maybe help someone else because of your experiences. Jen should be checking back in soon... and until then, just hang in there!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
been there done that and life goes on with the anger and hate. its always there, never ending. and only one solution
Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 4 years ago.
I hear you... keep reaching out for help and don't give up. Eventually, someone or something is bound to come along that will change your view... just get through today.
Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 4 years ago.
The fact that you wrote to this site tells me that you haven't given up completely, and that is a great step. I hope that you will consider our ideas and thoughts, and know that you truly are not alone. There are others in your exact shoes; your goal must be to figure out what keeps them going and living, maybe through searching online for their stories and use whatever advice you can get from them to get through this despair you are feeling. Your daughter needs to see you model being and acting as a survivor, and not a victim... she needs you to show her how to survive making a mistake and going forward in life. It will help her in her own life struggles to see that you don't have to give up when faced with adversity; that you can make something good come from something bad.
Heidi LPC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 278
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
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