Shay, I agree wholeheartedly, those guys are the ones that should be in therapy. But I don't think what you are doing here with your own therapy would be enough for them. They would need some very intense help, along with jail. Plus I am not sure they would have the strength or insight to do what you are doing.
Your whole body might have hurt last night because of your reaction to the flashback. Do you recall what it was about? If it was about reliving the trauma, then that would explain your physical reaction. You would naturally tense against that, and you would use your whole body to react. Plus you mentioned that your stomach hurt for a long time after the attack so that could be why it hurts now.
I meant about how you feel responsible for whatever happens to you whether or not you caused the situation, just as you mentioned in your last paragraph. That was a breakthrough because before you felt that no matter what, if you were in the situation, it was your fault.
I think Linda will feel that your insight is very helpful. It has a lot to do with any issues you have with trusting because you would have to be very sure you could trust someone before you allow any type of friendship or any other relationship with them. It would mean questioning everything about them. It would also mean shutting off your feelings to protect yourself from them until you are sure it is ok.
What made you feel that you didn't want to talk with me yesterday? I think I understand, but I want to be sure.
Yes - the flashback was like being in the situaton again. But I don't think I was actually doing anything. If I had moved around much at all, considering where I was sitting, I would have bruises all ovr the place. I think that my head must have just fallen forward and hit the toilet, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't moving around at all. But I would guess that I probably tensed up my whole body, which may be why I hurt, or maybe that and the stomach thing are just in my head. That's a possibility.
What is your understanding about my not wanting to talk to you yesterday?
I wanted to ask you about it because I didn't want to put any ideas in your mind first.