Hello Heidi, I was re-reading your answers on my last post to you and I thought I would give you a little update. I feel a little bit like I have made a breakthrough although probably not in the way I should have! I told you about this older chap who I was attracted to. Well he invited me over for dinner and I accepted. He cooked for me and put a candle and some wine out, which in itself was amazing. I have never had that before. We talked and laughed and ate and then we sat on the sofa together snuggled up.
I expected that he would want sex but he told me he wanted me to go away and think really hard about what I wanted to do before I commited to anything with him. I don't think I have ever been treated with such respect before. So I did
go away and I did think about it. We went on a picnic in the sunshine which was lovely and then last weekend we went away together. He booked a lovely hotel and I had the most wonderful weekend I have ever known. The feeling of being repsected and loved was immense. We went out and while we were out he wanted to hold hands and then he said right lets get back to the hotel. I questioned him as to why we needed to get back. He looked at me and said ' I thought you would want to watch the national? we talked about it last night and you said you normally watched it' So we did go back and watch it. I was so humbled that he tought enough of me to curtail a nice day out just to do something I wanted to do. I laughed like I haven't laughed with my husband and when we made love I never thought it could be so good. my legs shook for hours!!
Now I feel warm and contented apart from that physical ache to see him again, I have suddenly realised that this is what I have been looking for all these years. In my numerous bouts of cheating I have longed to be away from the man I slept with after finishing the act, but with this man I just want to curl up in his arms and feel his lips on my hair. Of course this is wonderful but the fact remains that I am married to another man.
I have been exploring my feelings and discovered that I look at my husband and don't feel anything. When we has sex yesterday I just felt bored and like it was a chore.
If this older man asked me to leave with him I think I would go and be willing to bear the dissapproval of friends and family.
The dawning of a healthy sentiment? I do hope so!