My cousin that I wrote to you about earlier (2/24) is out of the rehab and now out of jail. I just found out that he has been drinking again. I am going there today with a list of halfway houses I have found. I will see what happens and I know it is up to him. I don't feel like his imediate family is giving him the encouragement he needs. I wonder if any of us even know how?I'm trying this and as bad as I hate to, I feel like I have to stop trying to do anything. I can't bring him to live with me and I don't know if this would even help. I feel like I have to give it up and leave them alone and pray.
Person's Gender: Male
Person's Age: 24
Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.
I am sorry to hear about this and having worked with recovering addicts for nearly 35 years, the most important thing you can do is to not enable the situation.
To do so, is to only set yourself up for more pain. You have to realize that there is only so much you can do and to set clear boundaries as to what your limits are in respect to your cousin.
If he has relapsed, there are choices he can make to get back in rehab or get a sponsor through A.A.
That is his job, not yours and if he thinks he can use you to further his addiction, he will.....it is the sad part of this devastating process.
As you say, you may have to "let go and let God"
The following link is perfect for you in helping to define your boundaries and limits. You can use it as a template for dealing with your cousin:
I also encourage everyone to get involved with Al Anon:
The time he was out drinking he supposedly was at an AA meeting. Which obviously wasn't true. I don't thimk I am enabling him in any way. I do feel however, that some if not all of his immediate family is. I don't think they realize what they are doing.
I completely understand and your should pass on the above links to them so they can learn how to set limits.
I will also give you another helpful link to share with the family. Reading it is sometime more saturating that trying to explain it.
Share these links with your family, and for yourself, use the information provided regarding personal boundaries. It will help you and in time, help your cousin.
I wish you the very best, feel free to follow up if you have additional questions.
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Thank you for your reply.
Unfortunantly, this will not work with his immediate family. I've tried links, ALNON and anything else I could with them while he was incarsarated. It obviously didn't work. I didn't think it had the day he was released. But I still was hoping there was something there I wasn't seeing. I guess I was wrong. I'm trying this last thing (List of Halfway Houses) and I guess I'm going to give up or I'm going to need a therapist for me.
Thanks for the additional information. I can see that this is very difficult.At the following link you can find all treatment facilities, halfway houses etc by state and Zip Code:http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/TreatmentLocator/faces/quickSearch.jspxYou can narrow this to specific information on Halfway Houses.If you feel you need to receive counseling, you can locate qualified therapists at the following link:Simply enter your Zip code:http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?utm_source=www&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=topnav_find_therapistIf you need help with search.....send me your Zip or the Zip where your cousin lives and I will be happy to assist.Best, Bill