I'm sorry that you had such a bad dream. It sounded awful.
It sounds like you are feeling a lot of trauma still associated with what happened to you. The fact that you are adding to the trauma in your dreams may mean that you feel more traumatized than you realize.
Reliving the experience you went through is a normal response, particularly since you just had contact with him recently. It's going to bring up all of your feelings.
It may help you to work on journaling your feelings. Expressing them is very important. It's good that you called the sexual assault helpline as well. This will provide support and you will not feel so alone. Consider reaching out through support groups as well. Talking to others who identify with what you have been through can bring a lot of relief.
This will pass as you work through how you feel. Try to care for yourself a little more in the next few days. Be around those who care for you and get extra rest and eat well. It will help you have the strength to deal with the extra stress. Also use your relaxation exercises so you can calm yourself easier when you feel upset.
Let me know if you are having an trouble accepting your answers (the last ones didn't seem to go through). Sometimes the system has problems. I can let the moderators know so they can process it for you.
I hope you are feeling better soon,
I feel like I am losing control of my emotions. I can't seem to see things as anything but dismal. I'm very sorry Kate. I don't like to complain like this. I just don't know what to do with myself right now. I don't deserve extra care or extra anything. Every day almost feels the same.
It is hard to not let your feelings take over. When you are trying to cope with so much at one time, it can feel like your emotions are the only thing in your life. When you feel like that, you can try to help yourself by trying to distract yourself. Do something intellectual like read a textbook in your field of study, watch a video about science, or figure out a crossword puzzle.
Getting away from how you feel is sometimes a good idea especially when it is overwhelming and you are doing all you can to feel better. You need a break from the intensity and by shutting your feelings down for a while, you can take back some control.
Kate, I really think I am past getting control back by shutting down my feelings. I feel like that is all I am - a bunch of bad feelings and emotions. I realize of course this is untrue, but it is what it Feels like.
I wish I could do more to help myself but I am so tired of fighting my problems. There has been so much bad that has happened in my past and still is happening in some cases that it is extremely difficult to keep at it day after day.
Plus, I seem to have a ton of anxiety of seeing my therapist tomorrow after her being away on vacation. I have no clue why since I hate it when she goes away.
I may be a lost cause.....someone who is unable to be happy and cannot receive help from professionals. I'm not sure.
As long as you want help, you cannot be a lost cause. Anyone who seeks to get better will. It's only a matter of motivation and desire to feel better.
You can do a lot to help yourself. One thing you can do is to try not to allow your feelings to overtake you. Feelings are important but they also can be deceiving. Feelings are in response to your thoughts and that is why changing your thoughts can help you. Focusing on things that are manageable can help instead of what can't be dealt with right now.
You may need to take a break from your every day routine and do something different. That can help you think in a better way by seeing something different and getting a new perspective. Is there a chance you can go somewhere new today? Or even go away for a few days? That might help you.
It is normal for you to have some anxiety around seeing your therapist. Therapy brings up a lot of feelings and facing that can sometimes create anxiety, especially if it has been a while since you have been there. Once you are there, you will feel better.
If this has helped, please click accept.
When I hit accept now, it tells me that I already accepted an answer from this post/thread. It asks if I want to pay an additional amount on top of the amount I accepted in our earlier post. I can start a new post each time. That way you get paid for each time you answer anything from me. Seeing as you are always there for me, I don't mind doing this. But I do want our posts to still remain locked each time. I will just have to emal the moderator each time I start a new post.
p.s. Thanks for your response. I'm just feeling very low right now and it is difficult to dig myself out. That is why I am stuck having a pity party right now.
Hmm, that is odd. I wonder why that is an issue for you. I've never had anyone have that problem before. You may want to ask the moderators about why this happens. They can either tell you why or fix it for you.
I appreciate your willingness to start a new thread. Hopefully, they moderators can make it so you don't have to contact them each time you post. That would be very inconvenient.
Let me know what happens and if I can help in any way.