Thank you for your question. Before providing suggestions, I have a few questions about your partner. Please tell me more about him. Has he shown signs of depression in the past? Is this his first attempt? How was he found?
David had a period of depression in 2010 which lasted about a year. He has not made an attempt like this before, but go as far as climbing up a tree with a rope which he put around his neck.But he didn't jump
what was happening in his life during 2010?
David has also a long history of substance abuse, i.e. marihuana and alcohol. 4 weeks before his attempt he quit both substances cold turkey
I see...this makes sense...now after his recent attempt, he stopped contacting you after your visit? Is that correct?
How often have you tried to get in contact with him at this point?
yes. he called me the evening of the visit, the next day, than a few texts and nothing since
I've texted him almost every day, telling him what was going on, little episodes, how his animlas were and sometimes just general encouraging quotes
about 15 times
and he hasn't responded at all...have you tried contacting his mother?
yes and his mother is keeping me updtaed on his progress which is very slow but steady.small steps
Yes, when someone is depressed, one may feel shame and isolative, not wanting to be in touch with others. My suggestion for you is to inform your partner and his mother of your whole-hearted support for him and that you may be available for whatever they may need.
Ask the mother if she feels a visit by you may be helpful for him, you should pay him a visit.
I've already done that but she said she can't really decide for david...
I urge you to limit the texting to once a day to show your support
but not to overwhelm him
If his mother can't decide for david, does she have concerns for his wellbeing at this point?
That's what I'm doing as well. Haven't texted for 3 days now just to give him some space.
No, she doens't have concerns I think for his physical wellbeing, he is eating well and seems to finally be able to sleep
Good, I believe texting once a day will be fine. I would continue to let him know that you will be there for him until you feel that the lack of contact is frustrating you and your patience is being tested.
How long have you been with david?
about 6 month. It was very intense wiht a lot of talking and getting to know each other. we both felt that this is it, we are meant for each other. I am reaching that point of frustration and am really seeking an understanding if I am doing the right thing..and how long a period like this can last in order for me to decide if i can cope..
I will not leave him but this waiting is driving me up the walls
I completely understand your frustration...I can see how it can be testing your patience.
You mention that David had past substance abuse issues...typically, one uses drugs to fill a void in one's life.
once the addiction stops, the void returns, which may help explain his attempt
Other than medications, is David in therapy?
he said to me he quit it because he wanted to be a better man for me. Re therapy, I think he has a councellor appointement in a few weeks.It's difficult here in ireland when one is not privately insured and the waiting list is long
Yes, I completely understand...I believe the counseling appointment will do David good as he will find ways to deal with this void that he has in life.
In the meantime, I suggest for your to find a support group in your area for family members and significant others with mental illness.
That is probably a good idea. Can you give me an estimate of how long these periods of no contact can last? So I can try and have a timeframe I can deal with..the worsted thing is not knowing how long..weeks? months? years?
Typically, medication begin to work between 2 to 4 weeks. If there are any adjustments to medications, then the time frame resets. In terms of therapy, results vary person to person from one to 6 months.
I suggest giving David 6 more months (although it seems long, but it really isn't) to see if he improves
Ok. Should I ask him meanwhile if it is ok to visit?
Yes, I suggest asking because this is how you genuinely feel. If he does not respond, please do not take it personally.
In your contact with him, you can let him know that he can say "no" as well and that you will not take it offensively
OK that is sound. Thank you so much Brad I am happy to accept this. Keep up the good work.thank you again. :-)